


Lost and Found

by StarvingLunatic



Category: Rizzoli & Isles
Genre: Drama, Fix-It, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Novella, Wordcount: 30.000-50.000, Wordcount: Over 30.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-14
Updated: 2012-06-03
Packaged: 2018-02-13 02:48:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 40,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2134254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarvingLunatic/pseuds/StarvingLunatic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After shooting Doyle, Jane tries to mend things with Maura, but Maura doesn't seem interested. Maura actually seems to hate Jane. What will it take for them to get back to normal or have things been torn apart forever?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. When it rains

**Author's Note:**

> I don’t own these characters.
> 
> A/N: I know there are like a million of these types of fics and I wish that I could make my debut into this fandom with something more original, but I figured I’d throw my two cents out here on how Jane and Maura get over the hurdle of the season two finale because that was what inspired me to even write anything. I hope whoever reads this enjoys it.

Lost and Found

1: When it rains

The sky was grey, like it knew it was a day of mourning. Jane was almost glad that something familiar would grieve with her since her best friend was nowhere around for the tragic event. Jane was attending the funeral of FBI agent Gabriel Dean. She did not know any of those that mourned with her. Her partner, Detective Barry Frost, and former partner, Sargent Detective Korsak had shown up to pay their respects, but had not stayed around to watch Dean be placed into the ground. And why should they? They did not know Agent Dean well. They had mostly come to be there for Jane since it was obvious no one else would and they thought that Jane was following them when they left; she could not bring herself to do it for some reason. They had also come because Dean had helped in the past, although they all silently agreed that they could have done without his “help” this one time.

Maura had been the only one brave enough to point out that they had not required the FBI’s help. Of course, she had said it in a screaming fit at Jane. The rage the petite doctor felt toward her best friend – or maybe it was now former best friend – most certainly stemmed from Agent Dean’s actions. Maura thought that Jane had done one of the dumbest things possible because Paddy Doyle had shot and eventually killed Agent Dean. Maura believed that Jane had pulled the trigger and shot Doyle to avenge what happened to Dean.

The reality was far from the conclusion that Maura reached. No, the truth was extremely far from that, but she was not speaking to Jane in order to learn the truth. Not that Jane was brave enough to admit why she had done what she did. Hell, she could barely believe that she had such a stupid thought.

“What the hell made me think she’d go along with something like that? He’s her fucking father. I’m such a fucking idiot. I should’ve known this would happen. I’m such a fucking idiot,” Jane muttered and sighed.  

Shaking her head, Jane tried to focus on the reason that she was standing in a cemetery on a day she should have been begging for forgiveness. Agent Dean’s casket was still open and he looked peaceful, but, of course, he was dead.  _It was such a waste_. Even though she was grieving, she was pissed with the deceased agent, too.

Jane could not help wondering what the hell Dean has been doing at their trap site. It just did not make any sense. She had not mentioned that Paddy Doyle would be there; hell, she had not expected Paddy Doyle to be there! At first she had thought he followed her, but she could not figure why he would follow her on what she presented as a normal day. It made no sense. She wondered if he happened to follow Paddy Doyle.

If he had followed Doyle to their trap, why had he come though the same entrance as they had instead of on the catwalk like Doyle had? Why did he have to stick his nose in the whole thing when she had asked him not to do anything? Now, he was dead, Doyle was in the hospital clinging to life, and, best of all, Maura was not speaking her. In fact, Maura probably hated her. She was not sure how to begin fixing this mess.

She frowned to herself and bit the inside of her cheek, if only to keep herself from mumbling to the air. “It’s all my fault. I shouldn’t have said a damn thing to Dean about Doyle. What the hell made me believe that ‘be Gabriel’ bullshit would work? Because I wanted to believe him. I wanted to see that we could be together. I was asking for too much and now the one person I want to protect, I hurt. I hurt her and lost her. I’m probably never going to get Maura back now. But, that doesn’t mean I can’t try. I can’t just give up on the most important thing in my life. I can’t lose the most important person in my life. I just can’t.”

She could only hope that Maura felt the same way. For the moment, she was sure that Maura did not care one way or the other about her. Of course, that was to be expected when a person shot her supposed best friend’s father. Sure, said father was nothing more than a fleeting presence in the best friend’s life and whose presence always signaled bad news for said best friend, but still her father nonetheless. It did not matter that Maura had only meet him last year or that he only brought pain and suffering with him. And definitely fuck the fact that he was a criminal, mob boss, and a multiple murderer. He was still Maura’s father, or at least that was how Maura looked at it, she figured. Jane had other opinions that she wisely kept to herself or she was sure that she would lose her best friend forever, if she had not done that already. Even she would admit that it would be difficult to come back from shooting Doyle, never mind the other dumb shit that she had done prior that moronic move.

Running her hand though her hair, Jane tried to forget everything, but of course that was the very definition of impossible. Dean was dead and she was looking at his dressed up corpse. Doyle was in critical condition in the hospital and in FBI custody. Maura’s mother was still in the hospital. And, of course, the best bit of all that she would never be able to forget, Maura acted like she was the worst human being to ever exist.

She doubted that she would ever be able to forget anything that had happened recently. Hell, with her luck, she could live to be a hundred and this would be the only thing that she ever remembered. Oh, and of course the memories of when she had the best friend a person could ever ask for.

“Maura …” Jane whispered to the wind. Maura was gone, like yesterday, like her past actions, like her happiness, and her sanity. Everything was gone. 

-8-8-8-8-

Maura was visiting with her mother, who was still laid up in a hospital bed. Constance Isles spent most of her time sleeping, which Maura was pleased with because the rest allowed her mother to convalesce in peace. Whenever her mother was awake, Maura did her best to take control of any conversation between them because there were plenty of topics that the medical examiner did not want to discuss – chief amongst them was that absence of her best friend and if her mother’s mystery guest had been “Patrick.”

Maura was trying her best not to consider how her adopted mother knew her biological father.   For once, she was pleased with her lack of ability to fictionalize life. She lacked the imagination to piece together how a socialite like her mother could have met a mob enforcer like her biological father. Her mind swirled over the way her mother asked for “Patrick” and how Doyle showed concern for her mother. Not to mention, the outrage that he showed for someone harming Constance.

Maura had considered the notion that her mother and biological father had a history, but she could not come up with what type of history. _How does a society girl meet a mobster? Better still, what made the two obviously care about each other?_ Doyle cared enough about her mother to risk jail by coming into a monitored and guarded hospital. Her mother knew Paddy Doyle well enough to recognize his voice. And, of course, best of all Doyle knew her mother enough to care that someone had hurt her … or that was the theory that Maura was currently working with.

So much had happened in such a short period of time that Maura had gone over dozens of theories without coming to a single conclusion. Her head actually hurt from thinking too much. She never thought that was possible, despite Jane’s teasing. _Jane._

Jane was the one thing that she did her best not to think of.  Jane, who was supposed to be her best friend, and yet had betrayed her so thoroughly. Jane, the woman who shot her father in anger over Agent Dean. Maura’s face tensed as she thought about what happened. _How could Jane do this to me? I thought we were friends!_

“I was stupid for thinking Jane could ever value me above anyone else. No one ever has. My biological parents didn’t want me and, even though I know Mom And Dad love me, they didn’t exactly care too much for my existence either. What made me think that Jane would be any different? Because she was different for a long time, but lately something has been different. I don’t know what happened to us, but it had to be huge for Jane to actually shoot at my father with me right there. Yes, he shot Agent Dean, but he wouldn’t have hurt anyone else. Well, I don’t think he would … I mean he hasn’t hurt any of us before …” 

Maura sighed and rubbed sides of the bridge of her nose as she felt a headache building. Sniffling, she turned her attention to her sleeping mother and tried to keep it there. Her mother needed her now and she needed to stop thinking so much, anyway. It would be much easier to focus on her mother if Constance just woke up, but that would not do her another any good and she wanted her mother to get better as soon as possible.

“I want something to get better,” Maura muttered. She just did not know what it was that she wanted to get better beyond her mother.

Her father was healing. She was not surprised that Doyle had pulled though two surgeries and a short coma. He seemed invincible, as if he could take on the gods and come away without a scratch. At her darkest hour, Maura thought it was funny. Jane had tried to kill her father, but he was too strong for someone, even Jane, to destroy him. Most of the time she could keep those ideas at bay, but sometimes those things just came to her, along with bitter, twisted raging emotions.

When her thoughts could come out somewhat rational, she would concede that Jane probably was not trying to kill Doyle, considering the fact that she had not shot him center mass with a double tap. But, that did not change the fact that he almost died and took too many secrets with him.  It did not change the fact that he almost died get she felt a flood of emotions that she could not begin to comprehend. It was so much easier to just hate Jane. Truly, seriously, and intensely hate Jane.

“Is this how Jane felt when I didn’t tell her about Tommy? No,” Maura shook her head. It was impossible. Jane could not have felt like _this_ because Jane had forgiven her a day later. She was certain that she would _never_ forgive Jane. There were just too many emotions. Too many to even figure out what they were.

If nothing else, Maura wished that she could at least figure out why she felt an intense burning when she thought about her former best friend. It was beyond hatred, something deeper, something beyond her scope of understanding. The best that she could do was attribute it to Jane almost killing her father, but it seemed like it was more than that. It was just easier for her, especially considering how exhausted she was.

 _My father_. Maura had tried to see Doyle, but it was impossible. Her credentials could not get her near the door. The fact that she was a witness to his crime was just as useless. Despite her anger with Jane shooting her father, Maura could not fix her mouth to tell anyone that Doyle was her biological father. She doubted it could matters that she was a blood relative, anyway. The feds were not in the mood to give Doyle anything that could be mistaken for a comfort. They wanted him to suffer in every possible way for what he did to Agent Dean.

Maura was not even sure she wanted to see Doyle. She knew that he was alive and that really seemed like it was enough. But, she could distract herself if she went to see him, question him, and demand why he always had to ruin things when he showed up. Those things would have to wait until later, though. Probably for when Doyle was in jail and she could actually visit him. Maura was not even sure how she felt about that at this point. _It’s all just so wrong_. 

-8-8-8-8-

Jane was not sure how she got home. She did not remember leaving the cemetery. She had work tomorrow, but she did not want to go. Not without making up with Maura first. So, first things first, she needed to make a call and she hoped that Maura answered this time around. The phone went straight to voicemail, though.

“Look, I didn’t really want to do this on voicemail, but it’s becoming more than obvious that you’re not going to pick up the phone and let me explain what happened. I need you to know that I didn’t mean to hurt you. I don’t want to lose you, Maura, especially because of something so stupid. I didn’t shoot Doyle because of Dean. I wasn’t trying to get revenge or anything like that. I know you won’t believe this, but I was trying to protect you. I know it sounds crazy, but I really was trying to protect you and I know that I did it in a really stupid way. I wish I could take it back, but I can’t. I can only let you know just how sorry I truly am and hope one day that it is enough for you … and for us.”

The voicemail cut off and Jane sighed. Dropping her phone to the floor, she flopped down on to the sofa, not sure what to do with herself. She was tempted to have a drink, feeling certain that the loss of one’s best friend due to one’s stupidity was beyond a valid reason to crawl into a bottle and never leave. She resisted for the simple reason that she was sure that she never would stop drinking and it would not do anyone any good if she decided to become the new family alcoholic.

“What now?” Jane wondered aloud. “I guess I’ll just have to wait for Maura to respond.” Too bad Jane was not particularly good at waiting. 

-8-8-8-8-

“Maura, your phone has been ringing all day. I think it’s Jane trying to get in touch with you,” Angela reported as Maura came into her home.

Maura was pushing her mother, who was in a wheel chair. Both mother and daughter had obviously seen better days. Angela had expected them to look and feel weary, which was why she was in the house. She had spent the morning cooking lunch and dinner for her host and Constance.

“Speaking of Jane, I’m going to see her later on. I think she’s taking Agent Dean’s death pretty hard. She sounds really broken up on your voicemail. I hope you’ll call her back soon. You always know just what to say to her to make her better,” Angela said and she probably would have rambled on like that forever if only Constance had not spoken up.

“Maura, dear, Angela is speaking to you. Do you hear her?” Constance asked in an almost reprimanding tone.

“Sorry, but I don’t want to discuss Jane at this time, if ever again,” Maura replied with a weary frown.

Angela blinked as her face scrunched up in confusion. “What happened between you and Jane? I knew she sounded way too pathetic on your answering machine. What did she do? She’ll apologize for it. I’ll make her apologize if I have to. You know how she feels about you,” Angela ranted and she would have kept going, but Maura cut in.

“I’m not interested in talking to Jane, nor do I wish to hear anything that she has to say,” Maura proclaimed quite seriously.

Both Angela and Constance were shocked to hear Maura say such a thing. The mothers both exchanged looks, almost as if asking each other what happened. Of course, neither had any answers, so they turned their attention back to Maura. Maura was not in the mood to explain, though.

“Look, it has been a trying day. I’m going to go fix up the guest room. I didn’t get the chance to do it earlier,” Maura stated in a stronger tone than necessary. She did not bothered explain why she had not fixed up the guest room. After all, an explanation would have just led to more questions from the nosy parents.

Maura actually hurried out of the room to avoid talking about Jane or her own strange behavior. Angela and Constance watched her go before they Stole a glance at each other. Both women looked worried.

“What was that all about? “ Angela wondered aloud.

“I’m sure I don’t know,” Constance replied. “I’ll talk to her about it. She might just be stressed over what happened to me.”

Angela nodded. “I guess that could be it. I mean, has Maura ever seen you hurt before?” she asked and Constance only shook her head. Angel sighed. “This has been a trying time for our daughters with everything that’s happened. I hope they’re there for each other to get them through this. Maura’s Jane’s rock and I’m sure that Jane needs Maura to get through whatever she’s going through,” she stated.

“The same could definitely be said of Maura,” Constance concurred. Jane had been the main topic of conversation when they were out together. It seemed like Jane was the light of Maura’s world, so she hoped that Jane was there for Maura when the medical examiner was so clearly upset.

“Well, I’ll go see Jane soon and find out what happened between them and try to make things better before anything else happens. Until then, though, I made lunch for you if you’re hungry.”  Angela motioned to the sandwiches on the counter.

“I’m extremely hungry. Thank you for doing so much for me,” Constance said with a gracious smile.

Angela smiled back and waved the thanks off. “It’s no problem. Maura does so much for my family that I’m more then happy to do something for someone near and dear to her.”

Constance smiled again and Angela did the same. Angela had to help Constance move her wheelchair to get to some place that was comfortable for eating. Angela stayed with Constance for a while, but when Maura returned to the living room, Angela decided to take her leave to go check on her own child. 

-8-8-8-8-

Jane did not answer the door when Angela showed up, which the mother actually expected. She knew that her daughter probably wanted nothing more than to be left alone because that was how Jane responded to stressful situations, not that Angela fully understood just how much stress her daughter was under. Angela eventually let herself into the apartment when her knocks went unanswered. The mess that greeted her did not surprise her, but the sight of Jane sleeping on the sofa surprised her.

Jane was curled up under a blanket. She was lying in a fetal position and shivering as if she were freezing cold. Angela was not sure what to make of that, but she decide to wake Jane up because she has sure that the detective would be more comfortable in her bed. Shaking Jane, Angela noted that there were tear stains on her cheeks.

“Oh, Janie, what’re you going through?” Angela wondered aloud. She then laid a hand on her daughter’s shoulder and gently nudged the younger woman awake.

Dark brown eyes marred with deep lines and heavy bags barely opened. “Maura?” Jane muttered in a sleepy haze. “Maura, I’m so sorry. Please …”

“Janie, it’s not Maura. It’s your mother,” Angela informed the weary law enforcement officer.

“Ma? Oh, I thought …” Jane shook her head and rubbed one eye. She blinked several times, trying to clear her vision as well as fight back tears. _Maura_ …

“I can see what you thought. Janie, what are you doing? What’s going on with you and Maura?” Angela asked with concern. 

Janie shook her head. “I just did something stupid. We’ll work it out.”

Angela looked skeptical, but for once kept her thoughts to herself, which Jane was more than thankful for. Unfortunately, her prediction proved to be quite false. No amount of begging on Maura’s voicemail helped them work things out. Maura wanted nothing to do with Jane.  

-8-8-8-8-

“Maura, please, pick up. I told you, I was just trying to protect you. I know I did it wrong. It was a stupid impulse. Please, just talk to me. I’m so sorry. He just hurt you so much and I thought that I was saving you from all of that pain and heartache that he always causes. I wasn’t trying to kill him or anything, but I wanted to stop him. There was probably another way to do and all. Like I said, I know it was stupid and ridiculous and I am so goddamn sorry! Please, just talk to me!” Jane implored and was heard through out the Isles home as the voicemail picked up for the millionth time.

The very distinct sound of Jane sobbing followed the message and Angela found that she could not, would not, take it any more. She thought the girls would sort their problems out on their own as they usually did, but their mess had been going on for almost a whole week. Enough was enough.  

“Maura, when’re you going to talk to Jane? She’s a mess without you. I don’t know what happened, but you really need to get over it,” Angela declared.

Maura frowned from her place in the living room. “Angela, I respect you a great deal, so I am going to put this as politely as possible. Please, stay out of my affairs with Jane.”

Angela blinked in shock and found herself speechless. Her eyes drifted to Constance, who was staying with Maura until she was completely healed. Constance appeared just as stunned and eyed her daughter as if she did not know who Maura was. Then again, considering Maura’s haggard appearance, it was hard to tell who she was.

“Are you fighting with Jane? I was wondering why she has not been by,” Constance commented.

“I don’t know what happened between you two, but you both know that you’re each other’s strength and you need each other right now. You were almost run down and your mother was hurt. Jane’s lost someone that was special to her. You two should be spending time together and being each other’s rocks instead of fighting,” Angela declared.

Maura’s frown turned into a deep scowl. “I don’t want talk about this with either if you. This is my personal problem to handle with Jane, so please stay out of it.”

“What do you mean? It’s not like you’re handling this well and Jane’s obviously a mess. You both need to work this out. You need to do something,” Angela argued.

“I said stay out of it!” Maura screamed at the top of her lungs and immediately recognized what she did.

Gasping, Maura put her hands over her mouth while Angela and Constance just gaped at her. Angela opened her mouth, but for once had nothing to say. Maura did not stick around for Angela to recover her voice. With tears welling up in her eyes, Maura made a hasty retreat to the back of the house. Angela and Constance looked at each other as if they expected the other to have some explanation for what just happened.

“Have you ever heard Maura scream before?” Angela asked in disbelief.

Constance shook her head. “I was going to ask you the same thing. I have never in my life heard Maura make so much noise.”

“Do you know what is going on between her and Jane? Listening to all of those voice messages, I can hardly believe it’s Jane. Jane doesn’t cry or beg or plead with anyone and usually she and Maura fix any problems they have before the rest of us know that’s going. Has Maura said anything to you? Jane won’t talk about what happened between them.”

“She has not said anything to me. Do you think whatever happened was serious?” Constance asked.

“I’m certain that whatever happened between them was beyond serious. I’ve never seen them like this. I’m worried about them, especially Jane. She took some personal days and she’s spent them all curled up on her couch and begging Maura to talk to her. It’s starting to seem cruel for Maura to not even talk to her.”

“I’m sure Maura has a good reason for her behavior. Something had to make her scream at us,” Constance pointed out, sounding almost defensive for her daughter.

“Nothing can really excuse how she’s treating Jane,” Angela argued.

“How do you know? Jane probably did something to warrant this treatment considering the fact that she’s the one apologizing,” Constance countered. 

“Jane would never do something that justified her best friend in the world completely ignoring her! Jane can be dense sometimes, but she’s one of the best friends a person could ever have! She’s been good to Maura since day one!” Angela proclaimed.

Constance opened her mouth with a rebuttal, but thought better of it. She sighed and slumped in her chair. She was quiet for a few seconds, as if to compose herself.

“It’s incredibly silly for us to argue over this. I’m sure the girls will work it out on their own. After all, they are best friends and it seems as if nothing can come between them for long,” Constance stated.

Angela nodded. “I hope they settle this soon. I don’t think Jane can last much longer on that couch.”

Constance nodded in agreement. Maura had not been herself for a while now, too, and she suspected that it was much more than the accident that was troubling her child. She hoped that the pair settled their problem soon and everyone could fit back to normal. Although, Maura’s emotions seemed to be running high enough for if be safe to assume that the friends were not going through simple that could be heated in a few days. Or even a few weeks. 

-8-8-8-8-

Next time: Jane manages to go to work while Maura hangs out with her mother. After that, Maura gets into a fight with Jane’s mother.


	2. It pours

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t own these characters.

2: It pours 

Jane scratched her head as she wandered her apartment as if she were lost in the woods. She was supposed to be getting dressed and going to work, but it seemed like she forgot. She had not been to work in a few days. She had taken several personal days, which had prompted several calls from concerned co-workers, especially Frost and Korsak. Jane never took off from work, so every one wanted to know if she was all right. She always gave the same b.s answer of “I’m fine.” No one bought it, but they left her alone. Frost and Korsak had offered to come by, but respected that she needed her space to get herself together.

Most assumed the personal days were to deal with the death of Agent Dean. A choice few knew that her emotional state was in shambles because her treatment of and by her best friend … _or is it former best friend?_ Jane did not like to wonder about it, but it haunted her and consumed her. It stirred in her brain and kept her distracted, which kept her wandering her apartment.

“But, I can’t keep missing work over it. I might need these days and I’m only driving myself crazy. Work will at least take my mind off things, don’t you think, Joe?” Jane asked the dog, who had taken to hiding under the couch since her master had lost her ever-loving mind. “Joe Friday, I asked you a question.”

Joe Friday whimpered and crawled further under the sofa. The dog probably did not expect Jane to go after, but the detective did. On her hands and knees, Jane reached under the sofa to grab Joe. The tiny pooch whimpered again before making a mad dash for the back of the apartment. Jane sucked her teeth.

“You little traitor. I knew you always liked Maura more. Well, I’m gonna go to work and we’ll see how you like being at home by yourself,” Jane proclaimed as she climbed back to her feet. “Yeah, I’ll go to work. It’s not like there’s some rule that says I gotta see Maura or anything. Besides, if there’s a case, I can use that to apologize and explain in person. She’s professional, so it’s not like she’ll totally ignore me. Brilliant!” She threw hands up, shocked that she had not thought of that before.

That was all of the motivation that Jane need. She rushed to get dressed and left the apartment with new vigor. She actually smiled as she pulled up to the precinct. She nearly ran into the building, but thought better of it as she realized how silly she would have looked. She was greeted with tons of “Hey, Rizzoli” and “Nice to have you back” along with pats on the shoulder as she made her way to the cafe for some coffee.

“Morning, Ma,” she greeted the woman behind the counter.

“You’re in good spirits today,” Angela noted. “And you’re back at work.” She smiled, which quite suddenly turned into a frown. “Wait, you’re not like this because Maura’s not here, right?”

Jane’s whole demeanor fell as she spun around from her half-made coffee and gaped at her mother. “Maura’s not here?”

“No, she stayed home to take care of her mother. She’ll probably stay home for the next few days,” Angela explained.

Jane gritted her teeth briefly. “Dammit,” she growled under breath. She turned back to her coffee and wondered what gods she had pissed off to have absolutely nothing go her way for the past couple of weeks. 

-8-8-8-8- 

“Mother, are you feeling all right?” Maura asked for quite possibly the millionth time. She had wheeled Constance out into the living room and put the television on a fine living channel. She had then stepped away to make her mother a snack.

“I’m fine, darling. Please, stop worrying and fussing over me. You can sit down for a moment,” Constance replied, turning her head to look behind her and see her daughter because she disliked talking to air, as she looked at it anyway. She was not able to catch a glimpse of the doctor as Maura was all over the kitchen.

“No, Mother. You need the proper nourishment,” Maura argued.

Constance sighed as her eyes drifted back to the television. Usually, she liked the show, but it was hard to concentrate on because say just wanted Maura to sit down. She almost got her wish when the medical examiner came into the room with a snack platter. Maura put the tray down, glanced at the television, made an interested noise, and then turned to walk away. Constance took her by the wrist before she got too far away.

“Mother,” Maura said in a tone that was a mix of scolding and questioning.

“Come keep your poor mother company, darling,” Constance requested, patting the empty space next to her.

“But, I have to put the dishes in the washer,” the doctor protested and pointed back into the kitchen, like her mother did not know where the dishwasher was.

“They can sit for a few minutes. Come now, we both know I won’t be able to stay awake much longer. Won’t you keep your poor mother company?” the injured woman implored with large, begging eyes. It annoyed her that her pain medication from the accident made her drift off to sleep not long after taking it.

Maura opened her mouth, as if she were going to object. But instead of protesting again, the doctor sat down on the couch. Constance practically grinned as they both turned to the television. They were silent until Constance realized that she was going to have to be the one to initiate conversation, which was not a problem.

“That garden is an atrocity. A true crime against nature,” Constance remarked with a light laugh, speaking about the show that they were watching.

“I wouldn’t expect much from a woman that would go outside in that outfit,” Maura commented. It was not like the younger woman to criticize like that, but Constance would take it, especially since it was the truth. It did, however, let her know that Maura was more off-kilt than she seemed. She wished that her daughter would just talk about what she was going through.

Constance laughed again. “You have me there, darling. Oh, look at that carpet. Are you sure you turned to the right channel?”

“I am starting to have my doubts. What show is this? Perhaps it’s a practical joke,’’ Maura offered as an explanation for all of the so-called fine living. “This is all downright tacky.”

Constance nodded and then her eyes went wide. “My god, was that a leopard print rug on the stairs?”

Maura actually covered her eyes briefly. “Maybe we should change the channel, Mother. You shouldn’t get too worked up.”

The older woman waved that suggestion off. “Nonsense, dear. This is funny. Maybe this is one of those prank shows because there is no way that those knock off Picasso painting are more than a joke.”

Maura leaned forward and Constance actually breathed a sigh of relief when the doctor grabbed a carrot stick from the snack platter that she brought out instead the remote. Constance decided to take one, too, and went back to offering her color commentary on the abomination being showcased as a posh mansion. Her daughter thankfully joined in. She did not like the idea of Maura making fun of things, but she considered it might get Maura to talk about what was wrong eventually.

“Where did they get those vases?” the honey-blond wondered aloud with a grimace on her face.

“My guess is that the whole house was furnished by the local flea market,” the older woman replied with a smile. She had more of the snacks.

“Mother, are you sure you don’t want me to turn? This show is nothing that typically comes on this channel,” Maura said. She was probably feeling guilty about making fun of the house showcased, but not ready to admit that, so she definitely was not ready to talk about what was really bothering her. Constance decided to try to draw her daughter’s thoughts out as subtly as she could.

“Please, don’t turn. This is hilarious. I wonder if we could get your detective to take all of these people as they slaughter all that is good and pure in home design.” Constance noticed her daughter’s entire body tense and a frown settled on her face at the mention of “her detective.” Obviously, Jane was still a sore point, but Constance hoped that Maura would open up as to why.

Maura took a few grape tomatoes from the snack tray and began eating them as an excuse to not respond. Constance frowned, but decided not to jump into _that_ topic for now. Instead, she let silence reign for a few minutes before she decided to start in on the show again.

“What are these statues? Who buys full-body copies of Greek statues that are obviously not from the time period?” Constance pondered aloud as her forehead wrinkled and she shook her head.

“Maybe I should get back to the dishes,” Maura said as she began to rise from the sofa.

Constance grabbed her daughter. “Maura, I feel as if you don’t want to spend time with me at all. Am I so terrible?”

“No! Of course not, Mother! I enjoy being around you and having you around. I just …” Maura sighed and sat back down. She pouted and her brow furrowed. “… I just don’t know what to do anymore.  I feel like you being as you are is my fault. This was meant for me.”

“No!” The mother took hold of Maura’s hand and squeezed it tightly. “Darling, I’m so happy that this wasn’t you. I might not be the best mother, but I would never want you to be hurt, injured, or worse. If I can ever take your place in a bad situation, I will. So, don’t think about it anymore. Sit here and watch television with me.”

Tears filled hazel eyes, but they were wiped away before they fell. Maura looked completely lost and for a few seconds her eyes scanned the coffee table, as if it would answer all of her problems. Of course, the table had nothing.

Maura sniffled and nodded, almost as if surrendering. “I don’t know why I’m so emotional.”

“Don’t think about it. Now, let’s watch.” Constance patted the doctor’s hand. Maura nodded again.

They watched television again. Constance started up, talking about the horrible house on display. Eventually, Maura got drawn in and they had a good time mocking the show. Clearly Maura would rather snap at the television than talk about what was bothering her; or she might still have to process what was going on and she could not talk about what was troubling her. The phone ringing ended everything as Maura immediately stopped laughing, her eyes went wide, and her spine seemed to morph into a stiff pole. She relaxed when the ringing stopped and breathed a sigh of relief when there was no new voice mail.

“You know you will have to talk to _her_ sometime,” Constance pointed out.

Maura stiffened again. “Talk to whom?”

Her mother sighed. “Maura, I’m almost certain that the whole world knows about your spat with Jane. You will have to talk to her eventually.”

“No, I am almost certain I won’t. Beyond work, I have no need to ever interact with _that woman_ again,” the honey blond declared. She actually snorted out of her nose, as if to exclaim the whole point.

Constance’s mouth dropped without her permission and hung agape for more moments them could ever be dignified. “’That woman?’ Really, Maura, this is Jane we’re talking about.” 

The scowl that appeared on Maura’s face was so deep that her mother worried it might never go away. “I know whom we’re discussing, Mother, and it is a topic I do not care for,” the doctor declared with some bite.

For the second time, Constance’s mouth went slack. “Now she’s ‘it’? You’re referring to Jane Rizzoli as ‘it’? What happened between the two of you that has you so willing to walk away from your best friend? Surely you know what a precious commodity a good friendship is.”

While Constance had only met Jane that first visit, she was more than aware that Jane someone important and special to her daughter, especially the way Jane stuck for Maura without letting her know. But, also, since she began speaking with Maura more, she noted that Jane was always the first topic that Maura wanted to discuss and a frequent one. For her daughter, Jane seemed to have hung the moon in the sky. It was a pure, wonderful, beautiful thing, their friendship, and it clearly brought Maura such bliss. Until now anyway.

“A friendship with _her_ is nothing more than endless suffering, pain, and headaches,” the doctor hissed. “Now, like I said, I do not wish to discuss this matter.” She folded her arms across her chest.

“Maura, what happened between you and Jane?” Constance begged to know, but her daughter was silent on the issue. She squeezed the doctor’s hand. “What happened?” she pressed.

The younger woman turned away. “Mother, I really don’t want to talk about it.”

“I think the opposite is true. You do want to talk about it, which is why you are acting so sullen and snippy. You need to talk about. If you bottle it up, it’ll fester and eat at you. You’ll only be hurting yourself in the end. Well, yourself and the best friend you’ve ever had,” Constance pointed out.

“She is not a good friend! She’s a horrible person who only thinks of herself and her own selfish needs!” Maura screamed, pulling away from her mother. She leaped to her feet and began to pace. “She ruined everything!” She literally tore at her hair and was lucky not to pull away handfuls of her curls.

Constance put her hands out, but her daughter was too far to grab. “Maura, calm down. What did Jane ruin? What did Jane do? What was so awful, so unforgivable that you’re willing to throw it all away?”

“I don’t want to talk about this!”

“You need to talk about this. Now, tell me why you’re so willing to disregard Jane. I know you don’t make friends easily, so Jane must’ve done something utterly horrible. I want to know, so I know if I should try to talk you into mending the fence, even though I’m sure you should make up with her,” Constance said.

The older woman wished that Maura had more experience with people, friends more specifically. She was certain that Maura was overreacting to whatever she and Jane were going though because Maura did not have any references to know how to react. But, until she got to the meat of the matter, she would not be able to talk Maura down.

“She betrayed me, Mother! She took all of my love, trust, and faith in her and then threw it back at me! Her actions basically screamed at me that she didn’t care about me at all while a guy she barely knew mattered more!” Maura hollered with her face turning bright red and tears flooding her eyes.

“What did she do?” Constance implored.

“What does it matter? You didn’t even like her when you met her. You judged her,” Maura huffed.

“Initially, yes, but things changed as I got to know her. I like that she’s very protective of you. I know you’re in good hands with her. I’m glad that you have her in your life and you were also, once upon a time.”

“Things change. Evolve; such is the nature of the universe. If we don’t change, we are doomed. So, it’s time for a change. I’m letting things change, just like Jane did,” Maura snapped and blazed off toward her room.

Constance would not have been surprised to see smoke come off of her daughter’s heels. Sighing, she wondered what was going on with Maura. She had never seen her daughter so hateful and toward the person that she probably loved most in the world. It was mind-boggling.

“What to do about them? I don’t want Maura to lose Jane,” Constance lamented. 

-8-8-8-8-

Angela came into the main house to make dinner for Maura and Constance, but found that Maura had that covered. The doctor was in the kitchen when Angela came in. She greeted Maura and then went to sit with Constance for a little while.

“How are you feeling?” Angela asked as she took a seat on the sofa.

“As well as can be expected,” Constance replied, glancing down at her chair. Her face was a little long, but she covered it with a smile. “You know, the good thing about this is that it gives me a chance to spend time with Maura. I missed so much with her. I’m learning that I’ve done her a great disservice. I should have been a mother earlier and shown her proper attention. Now, I fear she has improper reactions to emotional situations.”

“You mean this thing with Jane?”

Constance nodded. “I don’t know what’s going on, but I feel like Maura’s overreacting.”

“I think so, too. I’m going to talk to her because Jane’s crushed over this. How many times does she have to apologize before Maura at least listens to her?” Angela wondered aloud. 

Constance did not have a response. Angela was not looking for one, anyway. She sat there for a few minutes until she noticed that Constance had dozed off, as she had a habit of doing thanks to her medication. Angela climbed to her feet, making a couple of noises along the way since she had been on her feet all day, and made her way to the kitchen. Maura did not even acknowledge her. Angela frowned.

“So, you’re ignoring me now along with Jane?” the older woman gently demanded.

Maura made an angry snort like noise and turned away from the salad that she was preparing. The glare that Maura gave Angela would have made Jane proud. Angela was used to such looks, even if they never came from Maura, so she was not bothered the expression. Of course, the fact that sweet Maura was trying to destroy her with her gaze was somewhat disconcerting.

“I could have sworn I made it clear that I don’t wish to discuss _that_ topic,” Maura hissed.

“‘That topic’? Your best friend doesn’t even get a name, anymore?” Angela practically growled.  

“Maybe she’s not my best friend anymore. Maybe she’s not a friend at all and maybe I’m done with dealing with her because I don’t want her to betray me again,” Maura proclaimed.

The older woman’s face scrunched up a little. “Betray? Jane betrayed you? What did she do?” Her tone was a cross between demanding and curious. She hated that part of her believed Jane could do something stupid enough to justify Maura’s behavior, but Jane did have a history of being insensitive. Of course, being insensitive and betrayal were two different animals. Just like doing something intentionally mean, which Jane was not likely to do Maura, and doing something stupid by accident, which Jane practically had a habit of, were two different creatures.

“That’s between me and her. It’s none of your business and you need to drop it!” Maura barked, seriously barked. She was red in the face already, appearing as if she were going to explode.   

“It is my business when you’re hurting my daughter and throwing away a wonderful friendship that does you both a world of good. Now, you’re letting some little thing –” Angela was cut off.

Hazel eyes seemed to go super nova and Maura’s color rivaled that of a brick. “It wasn’t some ‘little thing!’ Don’t try to trivialize my feelings because your daughter is a lying monster!”

Angela growled. “How dare you call my Janie a monster after all she’s done for you! You ungrateful brat! Why don’t you get off your high horse and just let it go! How many times do you need Jane to say sorry? She’d never be this way to you!”

“You don’t even know what happened! You’re taking Jane’s side because she’s your daughter. Insulting me isn’t going to change anything. Mind your own business,” Maura stated while hitting the counter with her palm.

“So, you’re just going to throw Jane away?” Angela asked, just to make sure everything was out in the open.

“Jane threw me away a long time ago.”

Angela nodded and her next words pained her, but she supposed they were necessary. “Then, I guess, it’s best I leave, too.”

For a moment, Maura returned to normal. Her eyes softened and the heated tension that possessed her melted away. Concern and worry worked their way onto her face as her coloring even came back. Angela expected Maura to suddenly protest her plan to leave, but that lasted for about a second before righteous indignation overtook Maura.

“Maybe it would be best,” the doctor concurred in a strong tone with a nod. “This way you won’t need to ask me about that woman anymore.”

Angela was stunned and it showed in her wide eyes. “Well, I guess I’ll go then,” she replied, torn between being infuriated and sorrowful. She then rushed out of the house, not wanting curse Maura out since Maura was like a member of the family. She needed to have anyway.

The Rizzoli matriarch’s actions were not completely impulsive. She had thought things might come to this the first time that Maura lost her temper over Jane. Jane and Maura were not going through something small and, as much as she would like to be there for Maura, she could not if Maura would not at let her in. She would just be then for Jane, who was suffering alone for the most part.

Angela had already arranged to stay with Frankie and Tommy until she could find a place of her own. The two were vaguely aware of the feud between Jane and Maura and were willing to help in any way that they could, even if it meant sharing their apartments with their mother for a little while. 

-8-8-8-8-

A vein throbbed in Maura’s head as she stared at the door that Angela retreated barely a minute ago. _How dare she! Angela just wants to take Jane’s side! Even my own mother wants to take Jane’s side! They don’t know what she did! They don’t know she disregarded me and my wants and concerns long before I did anything to her!_  

Maura huffed mentally as she set the dinner table. She would never forgive Jane for what she did. No amount of apologizing or begging would do. They were over.

“Now, you’re not just throwing away your best friend, but your family as well?” Constance commented as Maura wheeled her to the table.

“You heard that?” Maura asked in disbelief and shame.

“I’m sure China heard it. Not your finest moment.”

“While that may be true, the Rizzolis aren’t my family,” Maura stated.

Constance arched a challenging eyebrow. “Oh, no?”

“Don’t be silly, Mother. You and Father are my family.” _And Paddy Doyle_.

“Odd that you would have such a narrow definition of family when I know your definition of parents is much broader,” Constance said.

Maura’s eyes squinted in confusion. “What do you mean? One has nothing to do the other.” 

“For most, parents are the first connection to a family. If you can accept that me and your father are your parents, your true parents because we’re the ones that raised you, then why is it hard to accept the Rizzolis as your family when they accepted you as you are into their ranks and traditions?”

“Mother, do you want me to be in another family?”

Constance frowned briefly. “Oh, don’t be obtuse, darling. Once upon a time, I was jealous of your relationship and closeness to Angela, but I’ve moved on. I’m happy you found good people to love and love you in return, which is why I don’t want you to lose it. You’re a different person with them. A better person. I hope whatever has caused this rift is priceless because what you’re losing has infinite value.”

Maura scowled as part if her dared to remember how miserable life was before Jane showed up. How lonely she had been before Jane and the rest of the Rizzoli clan showed up. How empty her house had been, how devoid of life and laughter the place had been. Things were going to go back to that. That was what her decision cost and she wanted to believe that she could pay it in full, but anxiety flooded her.

 _Is this worth everything I hold dear?_ Ten minutes ago, the answer seemed simple and dear. With time passing, things seemed muddled now. Yes, the Rizzoli clan came with problems, but it also came with wonders, treasures, beauty that could never be replicated. _Is this really worth that?_ Shaking it off, Maura decided to stay the course because she was still completely outraged and furious. Besides, as she had said, Jane was the one that disregarded her. Jane had betrayed her. Jane had not had her back. 

-8-8-8-8-

Next time: Maura and Jane speak. Does it do any good?


	3. Cut and dry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t own these characters.

3: Cut and dry 

Maura sat in the dark, trying to sleep. Instead, she was bothered by thoughts of conversations with her mother, Jane’s mother, and surprisingly enough Jane. She had not spoken to Jane to a couple of weeks, but old discussions echoed in her mind. She blamed her mother for the ghosts hovering over her now.

“I should be right. I’m the one that was wronged. I’m the one that was betrayed. Why are they trying to make it seem like I’m the one that’s wrong? They don’t even know what happened. They don’t know what she did,” Maura huffed, folding her arms across her chest. She then glared at the darkness as it seemed to hover around the room and slowly penetrate her body, consuming her from the inside out.

She could not figure out how she was supposed to forgive the woman that shot her father, the woman that almost killed her father. Of course, that was the same woman that saved her life from a deranged serial killer, the same woman the befriended her a lifetime ago when everyone else treated her like a leper, the same woman that acted like she was the greatest thing on Earth most of the time, and the same woman that shared everything with her.

Maura frowned and shook those thoughts away. “Should any of that excuse the fact that she shot my father in front of me and nearly killed him? Of course, she did do many good things for me, too may to even name. Does one horrible deed negate endless good deeds?”

She was not sure and her scanned the room, as if searching for answers; the darkness seemed still. It certainly felt like Jane’s recent actions wiped all of her prior works. Or it did until she started thinking about it. Now, it felt like there was war in her heart and it was tearing at her insides.

“I have never felt so conflicted about something. Why did she have to do that? Yes, he shot Agent Dean, but she put him in that situation in the first place. She brought Dean in. That whole situation was her fault.”

Maura nodded as if that made her opinion a fact. But, the gnawing sensation in her stomach would not let her buy that. Something inside her was slowly devouring her resolve, making her doubt herself.

“I don’t like this,” the doctor grumbled and glared at nothing. “I don’t like this feeling. It makes my chest and my stomach hurt. How can emotional pain cause so much physical distress? I don’t like it.”

She was not sure what to do about that the pain. She was not even sure about what she did not like beyond the feeling. _I’m not even sure what feeling I mean. The physical pain or the cause of it?_ She suspected that she was going to have to bend a little if only for the feeling to diminish. After all, there was only one person on Earth who ever showed enough interest in her to get her to open up and work through her most confusing emotions. Of course, that person was also the person that she hated the most in the world right now.

“Still, perhaps hearing her out will help. I can listen to all of her excuses and then find out that I’m right and she’s wrong,” Maura decided.

Now all she had to do was wait for Jane to contact her again. She was not sure how long that would take since Jane’s calls were decreasing in frequency as time went on. Maura could not help wondering if Jane was less sorry for actions as more time past and that was the attempts to explain and reconnect were shrinking.

“I’m sure that logic is flawed, but I don’t really care,” Maura decided after days of radio silence, so to speak. But, that did not last long. Jane eventually did call, after all. Jane practically _had_ to call. 

-8-8-8-8-

Jane was tempted to call Maura for the umpteenth time, but she held off on doing so. It was not like calling got her anywhere. She felt like things were over, but it was too much to accept. She was distracted from the self-destructive thinking for a moment as her all phone rang. It was Frankie.

“What’s up, little brother?” she asked as she flopped down on the couch. Joe Friday must have taken the phone call to mean Jane would not try to talk to her, so it was safe for some cuddling. Jane scratched Joe’s head as soon as the dog was close.

“Do you know who’s sharing an apartment with me?” Frankie demanded.

“Considering your tone, I doubt it’s a cute blond,” she remarked.

“No, it definitely ain’t.”

“Okay, I’ll bite. Who’s there?” she asked.

“Ma.” He groaned the title.

“Why is Ma sharing your apartment? Dammit, don’t tell me my thing with Maura got her kicked out!” Jane begged. 

She could not see Maura extending her fury at Jane to Angela. No, Maura liked her mother more than that. Besides, Maura was not that type of person. Of course, Maura had been surprising her a lot lately.

“Maura didn’t kick her out. Ma left on her own. It made sense. I mean, to me anyway, which is weird since Ma doesn’t usually make sense. She said she couldn’t just stand by while Maura treated you like crap. She’s tried to stick up for you a few times. She said she can’t stay with someone who’s treating you the way Maura is, especially when you’re so good to Maura,” he informed her. “Of course, Ma hasn’t seen you be as snarky with Maura as I have, but I wouldn’t have stood for most of that crap either.”

She groaned. “She should’ve just stayed out of it.”

“Who can stay out of if when it’s clear you’re miserable and she’s the reason for it.”

The older sister frowned. “Whoa, you stay out of it, too. This is between me and Maura and I did something stupid first. I hurt her first, you got it?”

“And you did something that’s worth being completely ignored for?”

She sighed and scratched her head. “I think so. Hell, I’m starting to think I actually did the unforgivable.”

He snorted; it was not an attractive sound. “Jane, don’t be stupid. You could never do something like that to Maura. You love her way too much,” he commented, as if that some how made everything better.  

Jane forced out a weak chuckle. “I think my loving her too much is the problem. Stupid emotion clouded my judgment and let me make even stupider move.”

“What happened, Janie? You didn’t come onto her, did you?” he asked seriously.

She now scowled. _Idiot!_ “What? No! Of course not! I wouldn’t do that! Geez, Frankie, what the hell kinda friend do you think I am? Don’t worry about what happened. Just don’t take things out on Maura. She has a right to be pissed at me.”

“Maybe she does, but that doesn’t mean I have agree with it. You’re my sister, Jane, and you’ve done a lot for Maura. She should be able to for give you for anything.”

She sniffled and tears gathered in her eyes. “I hope so …”

Frankie sputtered for a moment, so she knew he was aware that she was crying. It took a lot to make Jane Rizzoli cry. As a child, she had once broken her arm after falling out of a tree and she giggled over the odd twist of her arm the whole trip to the hospital. A broken arm was nothing compared to a wounded soul.

“So, me and Tommy are gonna help Ma look at places this weekend. You in? We don’t want to be stuck with her for too long or next thing you know we’ll be on trial for killing her. Hell, you’d be the lead detective until they realize you helped plan the whole caper,” he joked.

She managed to stop crying and forced out a chuckle … somewhat anyway. “I guess I could help. Apartment hunting. Planning Ma’s murder is up to you and Tommy.”

“You say that now, but if she was living with you, I’d bet we’d get more sympathy.”

“Probably, but that’s not the case, so no sympathy.”

He laughed a little and they said their farewells. Jane sighed as she put down her cell phone. She cuddled Joe a little more. 

“My family’s worried about me, Joe, and I don’t know what to do to make things better. I don’t want them to hate Maura. They don’t know what happened. They don’t know what I did. Hell, Maura doesn’t even really know what I did. I’m a little confused on it my damn self. So, Joe, any advice?” Jane asked and the dog whined. “You’re never helpful.”

The dog whined again. Jane smiled down at her and scratched her head. She really wished that Joe could help because no one else could. Even Frost and Korsak did not have anything for her beyond what she was already doing. They tried, bless their hearts, but in the end, all they could do was be normal for her and let her work it out on her own. So, Jane would keep at it, even though in the back of her mind she could hear Maura’s voice telling her that the definition of insanity was doing the same thing over again and expecting a different result.

“Guess I must be crazy,” she decided while reaching for her cell phone. 

-8-8-8-8-

The phone rang and Maura had to take a deep breath before even approaching the phone. Her heart pounded as she stared down at the house phone. Her throat closed and her palms were sweating to the point that she needed to wipe them on her pants.

“It’s just Jane,” she reminded herself. Oddly enough, the fact that it was Jane made the call seem more daunting. She had to take another deep breath, but was forced to answer the phone because another ring and the voice mail would have picked up. “Hello,” she said in a near whisper.

Jane actually yelped. “Maura?” Her voice was more gravelly, probably due to the shock that someone answered her call.

“Yes, you did call my house, Jane,” Maura pointed out in a snippy tone. It would have sounded much worse if she could speak in a louder voice. “Or did you forget?”

“No, but you haven’t been taking my calls, so it’s a little surprising to hear your voice. Are you talking to me now?” the detective asked curiously.

“No,” Maura answered in blunt honesty.

Jane sighed. “Oh, okay. Um … did you answer by accident?”

“No. I am willing to hear you out. So, speak your mind,” the doctor ordered in a clipped manner. She was pleased that she still felt righteous indignation while hearing Jane’s voice.  _I still feel like I’m right_.

“Really?” Jane sounded perplexed. She was silent, as if she did not know what to say.

Maura shook her head, even though some part of her wanted to smile. _Classic Jane. When outside of work, if her routine is slightly disturbed, she gets lost_.

“Neither of us have all day, Jane,” Maura pointed out.

“Right! Sorry, it’s just a little … I dunno, weird talking to you. I’m used to getting the voice mail. I mean, it’s been, like, a month, Maura. I thought you were never going to talk me again,” the detective explained.

“I’m beginning to suspect that may be the case if you don’t say what you need to say,” the doctor commented.

“Oh, right. Well, you know I’ve been trying to apologize to you from day one, but you know that if you’ve heard my voice mails, which I know you have, but that’s beside the point –” Jane was ranting and Maura cut her off to put it into it.

“Jane, you’re rambling.”

“Oh! Sorry about that! It’s just amazing that you’re talking to me, even if you’re not actually talking to me! I’m sorry for everything! Maura, this all went horribly wrong. I was being an idiot, a complete idiot! I had the stupidest idea of all time. It was not what you thought. I didn’t shoot Doyle for Dean.”

Maura rolled her eyes. “Oh, no? Let me guess, you did it for me,” she scoffed.

“I did! I did it for you! It was the dumbest thing ever, but I swear I did for you! When Dean went down, I didn’t know it was a fatal wound. I just knew I had an excuse to stop the man that hurt you and always hurts you when he shows up! The man whose very existence puts you in danger! I mean, I know I’m a cop and I’d have had to do something, but what he did gave me an excuse to sorta go above and beyond and I wanted to save you the trouble he always brings around! I was a moron and for a split second I thought I could make things better! It was so fucking stupid and by the time I realized how crazy I was being, I was already pulling the trigger! The best I could do was not double tap him center mass! It was stupid and awful and I’m so sorry! Can you ever forgive me?” Her voice was raw, but laced with hope.

Maura was quiet briefly. “I don’t know,” she admitted in a low voice.

“Maura,” Jane whimpered. “I need you. I don’t want to lose you, especially to something like this. I know I was an idiot. Please, Maura,” she implored.

“I need you, too, Jane, but I’m not sure if I want you anymore.” 

The detective gulped. “This is a forever thing?”

“I don’t know.”

“Um … will you let me know when you do know?” Jane’s voice sounded so small and insecure. It was so unlike her that it was hard to believe she was the one on the phone.

“I could,” Maura conceded. “But, it won’t be any time soon,” she assured the detective.

“Oh.” Jane sounded disappointed and lost. “Um … Okay. How’s your mom doing?”

“I have no desire to have a conversation with you. If you are really concerned about my mother, you may come and see her in a couple of days during my working hours. I do not want to see you outside of work.” While that sounded harsh, even to Maura’s ears, it was the truth.

“Oh. Okay, I guess I can do that,” Jane muttered. It was not like it was unheard of for her to leave work on slow days.

“Then we have nothing else to discuss.”

“Maura,” Jane sort of begged just using her name and Maura hung up before she could say anything more because the sound of Jane’s voice and the use of her name cut into Maura like nothing the doctor ever felt before.

Despite her anger, Maura could feel tears sting her eyes and her heart pound in her chest. Bending over, a sob shook her body as she did her best not to vomit. _Jane hurt me deeply, but being angry with her, no matter how right I am, feels even worse. What am I going to do?_ It was a question that she knew all of the science on Earth would not help her answer. 

-8-8-8-8-

Maura had been back to work for the week and Jane had been more than tempted to go down to the morgue. Unfortunately, she knew the surprise visit would not be appreciated and she did not know what kind of reception she would get. She did know that it probably was not a good idea to press a woman with a scalpel in her hand, especially when that woman was not fond of her at the moment.

She thought about the last time that they had shared the morgue and the feelings had been reversed. She had been pissed with Maura over the doctor’s secrecy involving Tommy and his being a suspect in a series of bank robberies and a murder. She had gotten over that and Tommy had not gun someone down right in front of her like Doyle had done. She conceded that they were not entirely the same thing, but Jane just wised that Maura would get over it already. She doubted that would happen any time soon, though.

So, instead of bothering Maura and probably making matters worse, Jane took her spare time to go and see how Constance was doing. She had not seen Constance since the accident and felt awful about it. While she and Constance had gotten off to a rocky start, she thought things were changing between her and the older woman. They certainly did not dislike each other.

“I wouldn’t take a shot at Constance,” Jane grumbled to herself she drove to Maura’s house. “Not that I would have to since she’d never be shooting at law enforcement, she’s not a wanted criminal that’s responsible for over a dozen deaths, and she doesn’t has dozens of enemies in the underworld that want to see her dead and would use Maura to do it.”

Jane shook those thoughts away as she pulled up to the house. She glanced over at the guesthouse on her way up the walk and thought about her own mother. She wished Angela had not gotten involved, but part of her was happy that her mother sided with her. She was used to her mother blaming her for things and Angela typically seemed to think that Maura hung the moon in the sky. Jane felt like she had not done something completely horrible since her mother had sided with her. _Of course, Ma doesn’t know what I did_.

She let the thought go as she knocked on the door and waited for a response. Briefly, she wondered if Constance was mobile enough to answer the door. That was answered when the door opened.

“Oh, hello, Jane,” Constance greeted her with a pleasant smile. She was up and moving around on a cane.

“Hey, Constance.  You’re looking like doing good,” Jane noted with a smile of her own. She ignored the slight shake in the artist’s hand that was holding the cane. It was clearly a strain on the older woman to walk around.

Constance nodded. “Well, I am doing better. Would you like to come in?”

Jane nodded and stepped inside. The door closed and the pair ended up on the sofa. Constance groaned until she was fully seated. The artist then sighed in relief as she set her walking stick close by.

“You sure you okay?” Jane asked.

“Oh, I’m still healing most certainly, but I’m better than I have been since the accident. How are you, though?” Constance countered.

There was a snort; it was just as unattractive coming from her as it was from her little brother, she silently noted. “I’m fine. I wasn’t the one nearly killed by a crazy person a month ago.”

“No, but you are going though something just as a painful. Your messages on the home phone have played for anyone around. Your mother and I tried to speak with Maura with the hopes that she would talk to you. Obviously, our words were for naught,” Constance sighed.

“As much as I appreciate you and Ma trying to help me out, I wish you’d both leave it alone. You don’t know what happened, you don’t know what I did.”

Constance shook her head. “No, we don’t know, but we do know how you feel about Maura. We know how Maura feels about you. We know you would do anything for Maura. And, while I’m not sure if Angela would admit it, but we know Maura needs you. Whatever you did, you sincerely apologized and expressed remorse. Maura is only hurting you both by carrying a grudge.”

Jane sighed and rubbed her forehead. “I earned this one.”

“I find that hard to believe. You purposely hurt Maura?”

“Of course not!” Jane shouted, actually leaping up from her seat. As soon as she was up, she realized what she did and sat back down. “Of course not,” she repeated with more controlled conviction.

Constance smiled a little. “I know. I’ve tried to tell Maura that she should accept your apology before she loses you.”

“That’ll never happen,” Jane vowed. “I’ll always be there for Maura, even if we don’t make it through this. This was my fault, anyway. If Maura never forgives me, I’ll still be there for her. She deserves that.”

The older woman patted Jane’s knee. “You really are something else, Jane Rizzoli. I’m glad Maura has you in her life. I hope she continues to appreciate you. I hope she forgives you, also. You don’t deserve all of the pain she’s putting you through, no matter what you did. You’re a good person.”

Jane stared at the floor, feeling lost. “I try to be. Sometimes I know I’m not succeeding.”

Constance offered a sad, but understanding smile. “It’s called being human, dear.”

“Being human sucks,” Jane mumbled under breath.

“Sometimes. But, it has its benefits, too, like learning from mistakes.”

Jane nodded. _But, who’s making the mistake between us?_ She did not know and did not bother to ask. She would rather deal with Maura on her own than have Constance try to lift her spirits. She did not need anyone to try lift her spirits. She just needed Maura back in her life.

“I never would’ve thought we’d be sitting here having a civil conversation,” Jane commented.

Constance chuckled. “We have come a long way and you are directly responsible for helping me mend my relationship with my daughter. So, I’m somewhat fond of you.”

Jane smiled. For some reason that gave her hope. If Constance could grow fond of her, then surely the person that knew her best in the world could not hate her forever. 

-8-8-8-8-

Next time: maybe a case will help fix things.   


	4. Going up in smoke

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t own these characters.

4: Going up in smoke

“Jane, you going home?” her partner, junior detective Barry Frost, asked with what could have been mistaken for concern. It was the end of the day and everyone was going home. Jane appeared chained to her desk.

Jane shook her head and decided to ignore his tone, knowing that he was trying his best to let her handle her own problems, as she preferred. She appreciated that he respected her enough to do that. She was working on a cold case since they finished a case that they had been working for the last three days. She needed things to do to keep her mind off of the emptiness inside of her. The emptiness that was threatening to consume her and it would force her to never feel again.

“Come on, we’re going to the Robber,” Frost told her, waving her up. A smile graced his face, his bright eyes urging her to accept.

She waved it off and remained buried in the cold case folder. Frost sighed, but left her alone. Again, she appreciated that he knew her well enough to know when to quit. She was fine for a few minutes, taking in the quiet around her. Lieutenant Sean Cavanaugh walked by her and stopped suddenly.

“Rizzoli, what the hell are you still doing here?” the lieutenant demanded.

Jane glanced up and held the file that she had. He sighed and pressed the bridge of his nose to keep from laying into her. She guessed that he figured out it was nuts to yell at her for working. Of course, that did stop him from yelling when she really pissed him off.

“I told everybody that just finished the Mann case to go home. What don’t you get about that, Rizzoli? I need you and everybody else fresh for the next case, which could be as difficult as this case,” he said slowly, as if explaining things to a slow child.

Jane snorted. “I’m fine. In fact, I’ve got plenty of energy and that’s why I’m doing this.”

“Rizzoli, you worked this case harder than anybody. Three days with no sleep, pounding the pavement, questioning witnesses, stalking places out, and doing it all. Go home. Get some sleep. You need it. You earned it and it’s an order,” he stated, pointing at her and then at the door.

The detective huffed and opened her mouth to argue. Lieutenant Cavanaugh walked away before she could form a word. Groaning, she slapped the folder down on her desk.

“I don’t have anything to do at home,” she grumbled with a scowl. She had been avoiding home for that simple fact. But, she did as ordered because Lieutenant Cavanaugh definitely would not say it a second time without figuring out how to punish her for being stubborn. She could have gone to the Robber, but she honestly did not feel like being around anyone, friendly or otherwise. 

-8-8-8-8-

“Hey, Joe,” Jane greeted her dog, who charged the door as soon as it opened. She bent down to pet the energetic pooch. “I’m surprised you still remember me. Has Ma been taking good care of you?” She picked the dog up and groaned as lifted Joe up. “Uh, Joe, I think Ma has been feeding you too much. Gotta talk to her about that. Don’t want you to get fat.”

Joe just licked Jane’s face and usually Jane would scold the dog over that, but she felt like a bad doggie parent, so she let it go. She went into the kitchen to check Joe’s bowls. They were both empty. She put water into one bowl and a little bit of food in the other. She then decided to give Joe a treat just to do it. She found out why Joe was feeling heavier than usual when she picked up the extremely light treat box.

“Nonna Angela gave you all of your treats, huh? And that was a new box, too. You fat goblin, you ate a box of treats in three days. Go drink your water and lose some weight,” she teased the dog as she put Joe down.

The detective went and took a shower. She changed into some sweats and poured herself a bowl of cereal for dinner. She was glad that her milk had not gone bad, but she also figured that her mother probably bought her new milk when she was checking on Joe. Flopping down on the couch, she ended up watching cartoons because nothing else caught her attention. She felt as depressed as she was certain that she looked.

“This is just sad, isn’t it, Joe Friday?” she asked the dog, who was sitting at her feet hoping she dropped a marshmallow from her cereal. “I mean, I’ve done all that I can do. If she doesn’t want to talk to me or see me or anything, I should let it go. I can’t force her to be my friend and being depressed about it isn’t helping. None of this is helping.” Joe Friday just gave her a begging look that she ignored.

She supposed it would help if she knew what to do now. She had not realized how much of her life was Maura Isles until the medical examiner was not there anymore. While there was plenty for her to do, she just did not feel like it without Maura. The thought of doing anything seemed worse as she recalled why Maura was not by her side. _Because I’m an idiot with zero decision-making skills when it comes to the person that matters most!_

Her cell phone rang, which distracted her from her chastising thoughts. Joe whimpered as Jane snatched up her phone from the couch cushion next to her. She hated the shock of joy that went through her because she was being called out on a case.

“What kind of demented person gets happy because there’s a murder?” Jane asked herself. Of course, she was not happy that there was a homicide, but that she had something to do. “Rizzoli,” she answered the call. “I’ll be there in a few.” She disconnected the call and Joe whimpered again. “Hey, don’t gimme that look. If you want to keep eating those doggie treats, I need to work. Besides, isn’t it your bedtime?”

Joe whimpered again, but her owner ignored her. Jane finished her cereal and then went to get dressed again. She turned everything off because she knew that Joe would fall asleep with no stimuli in the apartment to keep her going.

“Don’t tear anything up while I’m gone,” Jane ordered the dog. Joe gave her a “who me?” look that they both knew was a lie.  

-8-8-8-8- 

Jane arrived on the scene to see the remnants of what was probably a car before someone decided to set it on fire. The car was on the side of a deserted in a park. It was amazing that someone reported the fire before all that was left was a pile of ash. The fire department had already done their job, but the area still smelled of burning materials.

She would have questioned what she was doing there if only Maura was not already examining the charred remains of the poor unfortunate soul that had was still perched in the driver seat. Korsak was standing by the doctor and asking the important questions more than likely. Jane found Frost, several feet from the car and body, and she made her way over to him.

“What do we got?” she asked the junior detective.

“Not sure yet. They just got the fire out. They couldn’t get close enough to get the body out first,” Frost explained. He made a slight face, as if trying to keep down his dinner. Undoubtedly the smell was getting to him.

Jane nodded and decided to dare to approach the medical examiner. It was their first case together since the “incident,” even though Maura had been back to work for over a week. The last case, Maura had sent an assistant out as she tried to catch up with tons of lab work and paperwork.

“Hey, guys. So, what do we got?” Jane inquired.

Maura’s face twitched, undoubtedly from the desire to correct Jane’s sentence. But, grammar correction was something Maura the friend did, not Doctor Isles the chief medical examiner. Korsak stepped back a bit, not sure what to expect from the two women. _Hey, it’s not like there’ll be blood and guts flying_ , Jane thought.

“I have only just begun my examination and cannot tell you much, Detective Rizzoli,” Maura said in a tone so professional that a passerby might assume that she was giving a speech.

Jane frowned, but figured it was best to go along with Maura. _Not like I need to piss her off any more_. “Okay, so, Doctor Isles, what can you tell us?” she requested as politely as possible while shifting from one foot to the next. “Poor guy just driving when the car burst into flames and he couldn’t get out?” she asked, looking around at the whole scene.

“I was unaware that homicide detectives were called out for accidents,” Maura commented in a snippy tone that caught both detectives by surprise. Their eyes went wide for just a second before they managed to fix their expressions.

Korsak took another step back and Jane glared at him. _Korsak, you freaking coward. She’s not going to breath fire on you_ , her eyes told him. He held his hands up, not wanting any part of the Rizzoli-Isles cold war. In fact, to be on the safe side, he took one more step back before saying anything.

“We got called in because the fire department noticed a liquid dripping dawn by the driver’s side door. They thought if might be blood, so they wanted us on scene,” Korsak explained. He then pointed below the door, but it had all been washed away from the fire department putting out the blaze.

“They were right to do so,” Maura said as she felt around the victim’s burnt head. “There are two wounds at the back of the skull consistent with small caliber gunshot wounds. I’ll be able to determine cause of death after a more through examination.”

Jane balked. “You mean the two bullet holes aren’t enough?”

“I can’t be certain they are bullet wounds. They’re consistent with bullet wounds,” Maura argued.

“Really? Really?” Jane asked in disbelief. Briefly, it looked like the two women were having their typical crime scene banter, but Maura’s tone was beyond cold.

“Yes, detective. I need to be through,” the doctor stated in a hard voice. She then turned her attention Korsak, completely turned her head as if Jane was not even there anymore. “Perhaps the fire inspector can at least let you know if this was arson,” she suggested.

Korsak nodded and glanced around. “Where’s the fire inspector?” He then moved on, leaving Jane to stand there like an idiot.

To prove her stupidity, Jane decided to try to talk to Maura and see if she could get a less snappy response from the typical civil and pleasant woman. “Anything else aside from the bullet wounds that aren’t bullet wounds?” she asked with her usual teasing smile.

“When I have more, I’ll let you know, detective,” Maura replied and Jane thought her tone might give them both frostbite. It did not make things better than Maura refused to look at her.

Jane decided to exit stage right before things got worse. She walked back over to Frost and she let him know about the “bullet wounds.” Korsak joined them to compare notes.   

“So, there was definitely foul play involved. A lit cigarette started it in the front seat. There were bottles of alcohol used as an accelerant,” Korsak reported.

“Or the guy was drinking and dropped his cigarette after spilling his drink,” Frost pointed out.

“How ‘bout you stop interrupting and listen? The gas tank was open and there was a bit of burnt cloth hanging out of it, like there was a wick there. Someone was trying to blow the car, but didn’t want to happen right away,” Korsak explained.

Jane nodded. “Probably wanted to destroy the whole car, but didn’t want to risk being around when the giant, Hollywood explosion happened,” she figured.

“Probably. I’m guessing they were banking on destroying the body, so we wouldn’t see the … uh … bullet wounds,” Korsak added. 

“And they put the alcohol in there to make us think he was a drunk driver,” Frost said.

“And it makes a good accelerant that most people don’t think about when committing arson,” Jane added.

Frost nodded. “I ran the car’s VIN number since the license plates are missing. I’ve got the owner of the car, but we can’t be sure it’s the guy in the driver seat.” He held up his tablet for them to see.

“Kevin McGee,” Jane read the information.

“You two want to check that out while I stay here and see if those bullet wounds turn out to be bullet wounds?” Korsak proposed. “I’ll let you know if we ID the body as soon as they get him out of that car.”

“Sounds good,” Jane concurred since she could not have her head bitten off by Maura if she was not at the scene anymore. She hit her partner in the shoulder. “Come on, Frost. Let’s go see if Mister McGee can tell us anything.”

Frost nodded and glanced at Korsak on the way to the car. Korsak snorted and shook his head slightly. Jane rolled her eyes at both of them. She then gave Frost a sideling glance.

“You and Korsak need to work on your telepathic communication, Professor X,” she remarked.

Frost laughed, definitely not expecting the comic reference. “You read X-men?” he asked incredulously.   

She cut him a hard look. “Come on, Frost,” she huffed as they piled into the car. “Just ask me.”

“How are things between you and the doc?” he asked curiously. It was the elephant in the room and he had been avoiding if like the plague.

“Things aren’t good,” she answered simply. She was not sure what else to say.

“It looked like she was talking to you,” he pointed out in a hopeful tone.

“Yeah, and every word that she said had a distinct touch of ‘you’re an asshole’ in it,” she replied.

He grimaced. “Damn. That bad, huh? You think it’ll get better?”

Sighing, Jane was honest with him and herself. “I don’t know. I spoke with her on the phone and after that I’d have said yes, but after talking to her now I think my fuck up was the mother of all fuck ups.”

“I can’t believe she’s still pissed over it. I mean, yeah, it was fucked up, but does it really erase everything between the two of you?” he wondered aloud.

“According to her, fuck yeah,” she stated.

“That’s a shame. I don’t think I’ve seen two people as close as you. Besides, it’s not like he did anything for her. You’re always there for her and she didn’t even know he existed until a year ago. What the hell’s up with that?”

Jane grunted, a clear sign that she did not want to talk about it anymore. Frost understood and began pulling up information on Kevin McGee. They arrived at his address; one of many swank apartments in new complex. They marched up to his door while noting that the place was eerily quiet, but the lights were on. Jane knocked on the door while Frost looked around. 

“Police, Mister McGee,” Jane announced. There was no answer.

“Now, I know it’s two in the morning and most people sleep at this time, but …” Frost just motioned around them where there were lights in plenty of windows and music coming from several units.

“You think he’s partying?” Jane asked with an arched eyebrow as she took a look around. It seemed like there were plenty of parties to choose from.

“I damn sure don’t think he’s asleep. You don’t move into a party place full of singles in your late twenties and go to bed when parties are still popping.”

Jane nodded and knocked again. There was still no answer. Before they could figure out their next move, Korsak called to let them know that they were able to identify the body through one un-charred fingerprint. It was the apartment owner Kevin McGee.

“Poor guy,” Frost sighed.

“Yeah, let’s go get somebody to open this place up then. Hopefully, something will help us fight the poor guy’s killer,” Jane said. 

-8-8-8-8-

The first thing that crossed Jane’s mind as she entered Kevin McGee’s apartment was that it did not appear to be a crime scene. _I can be professional_. After that, her next thought was that the apartment was better than hers; it was certainly bigger. She and Frost did a quick sweep of the place and find it to be empty. They then took their time to go over the apartment and process the scene.

“I wonder what the rent is on this place. Ma still needs a place,” Jane commented as she slowly walked through the apartment to examine everything. She ended up in the kitchen.

“I’m pretty sure your mother would _not_ want to live in a party place. I’m also sure the last thing this place needs is your mother,” he remarked with a chuckle as he made his way into the living room.

She laughed. “My god, could you imagine?”

“I could, which is what makes it funny,” he replied with another laugh. His tone changed to serious as he came across something possibly important. “Jane, I think our victim was having a little party of his own.”

She moved to where her partner was and saw exactly what he was talking about. There were two glasses on the coffee table in the living room. They were nearly empty and there was lipstick smears on one of the glasses.

“How much do you want to bet that the party didn’t end on the couch,” Frost said.

Jane only nodded and they made their way into the bedroom. Sure enough, there was evidence that the party had continued. The bed was unmade, but they found better evidence as they looked around.

“Open lube tube on the nightstand,” Jane announced.

“Condoms in the garbage,” Frost reported, making a face.

“And whoever was on this pillow shed some long, weird colored hair,” Jane said as she leaned done for a better look at the hair. “Who the hell dyes their hair orange?” The long strands were half orange and half black or dark brown.

Frost put his hands up. “Don’t look at me. But, here’s my question, where’s the girl? She wasn’t in the car with him. She wasn’t the one that reported the fire, as that was some dude that got lost on that road.”

“What do you think? Suspect or another victim?” Jane asked.

“I’m not sure. I don’t see any signs of a struggle. I mean, if he just had a girl with him and they clearly had a good time, why not just roll over and go to sleep? Why be in the car at all?” he wondered.

“Driving the girl home? There might be a reason she can’t spend the night. One of them could’ve had a significant other? The partner gets him after he drops the girl off?” Jane added.

“We gotta find this girl,” Frost stated the obvious.

“Let’s get techs to process the scene and find out if the neighbors saw anything,” Jane replied.

Frost was on his phone before Jane was even done. The techs showed up at the same time as Korsak. The partners filled Korsak in on what they found and then noticed the crowd gathering because of the police lights. They went to talk to everybody there and find out if they knew anything about Kevin McGee’s night, especially the girl that he was with. 

-8-8-8-8-

The three detectives regrouped at the station to compare notes and hoped that they could identify the girl Kevin McGee had been with. There were two pairs of fingerprints on the glass that had lipstick on it. With luck, one of the fingerprints was the female and she had been fingerprinted for something in the past.

“So, what do we know?” Jane asked.

“McGee had a date that night according to a neighbor, which was weird. The neighbor said McGee moved in a couple of months ago and didn’t really date yet. He was usually down for a party, but didn’t want to date until he was completely situated here. Apparently ladies used to fall all over him, though, because he had a little southern twang in his voice,” Frost replied.

“He was originally from Virginia. He moved up here just for a change of scenery and got a sales’ job. According to everyone I talked to he was a nice guy without an enemy in the world. Everyone said he didn’t have a girlfriend, but his immediate neighbor backed up the story that he had a date. Of course, he didn’t know who McGee was going on a date with and didn’t see him come home with the date,” Korsak added.

“Yeah, that’s pretty much what I got. A couple of people remembered seeing McGee’s car leave a little after ten and then they said he came back by eleven,” Jane reported.

“I got a statement that his car was gone again at midnight,” Frost said.

“He came back home and left again?” Jane wondered aloud. She gnawed on her bottom lip in thought, trying to piece things together.

“Or our drunken witnesses got their stories confused,” Frost frowned.

Jane shrugged. “Yeah, there is that,” she conceded. “I hate when all of the witnesses are at a party.” Despite the fact that most of their witnesses were from a nearby party, a few of them were coherent, sure of themselves, and seemed reliable. It helped that more than one person agreed their victim left, came back, and left again, but they were still at a raging party.

Before the detectives could throw anything else out there, Frost’s phone rang. He seemed surprised by it and quickly looked to see who was calling. His face twisted even more.

“Did the devil call you or what?” Jane teased.

“Uh … No, it’s Doctor Isles. She … uh … she’s got something,” he replied with an awkward grimace.

It took all of Jane’s self-control to not react outwardly. On the inside, everything shattered. Maura did not seem to be trying to get over things at all. She seemed to be trying to pretend that Jane did not exist. _She’s moving on. I’m losing her and she’s the driving force behind it. She hates me so much she can’t even be professional with me_.

“Sorry, Jane,” Frost apologized as if it was his fault.

“It’s okay,” her voice broke, belying her words. “Go see what she’s got. Me and Korsak can handle trying to piece things together.”

Frost nodded, paused for a moment, and then left to see what the medical examiner had for them. Jane could not help thinking about how long this case would be if Maura was going to continue acting as if Jane had committed the ultimate sin. Jane did not have it in her to beg and grovel anymore, especially since it seemed to be making matters worse. She would just give Maura space and work the case until she put Kevin McGee’s murderer behind bars.

“This is who I am and this is what I do,” Jane muttered as she got to work. 

-8-8-8-8-

Next time: the case and Maura’s behavior continues.


	5. Liar, liar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t own these characters.

5: Liar, liar

Detective Frost went down to the morgue since Maura had called him. She could hear his footsteps approaching. She felt horrible for involving him in “this thing” with Jane, as she knew she was, but she knew from their earlier encounter that she was not ready to interact with Jane.  She was not sure why, but the sight of Jane had stirred so many emotions in her, emotions that she could not make sense of. The mixture of it caused her to lash out at Jane and she felt horrible for doing so.

“It only made things worse between us and things shouldn’t be getting worse. I don’t want things to get worse … I think,” Maura muttered to her patient. She was assured that she was not losing her mind because she did not expect a response nor did she get one.

“Hey, Doctor Isles, you said you had something,” Detective Frost said as he stepped through the doors.

Maura smiled a bit because he reminded her of Jane, minus the “Doctor Isles” part. Her heart beat heavy, which let her know that she missed Jane. There was hope then. Hope for their friendship and hope that she would not feel so many conflicting emotions forever.

“I do, Detective Frost.” Maura then pointed to the x-rays by her examination table.

Frost looked at the image of the victim’s skull. “Are those bullets?”

“Indeed they are. As soon as I took the x-rays, I saw the bullets and retrieved them,” she reported and held up the pan that held two small projectiles.

He peered over at the bullets. “Probably 22’s.”

She nodded. “I’m going to send them to ballistics.”

“Sounds good. What about COD?” he inquired, glancing at the body, but his gaze did not linger.

“The gunshot wounds,” she stated with a solid nod. “Although my examination is far from complete, I have seen no evidence of natural or accidental death. This man was very healthy. There’s no evidence of smoke in his lungs to indicate he was alive when the car caught fire. There was alcohol in his system, but nowhere near the amount from the bottles in the car. There’s no recent trauma to his bones to indicate any accident.”

“Recent trauma?” he echoed with an arched eyebrow.

Maura smiled a little. Detective Frost had a lot to learn about her despite the fact that he accompanied Jane to autopsy often. She turned to the body.

“Like a lot of men I’ve examined, there are signs of bones broken from probably a decade ago. I would say that Mister McGee had very active teen years. He was probably a rollerblader,” she explained and would have continued, but Frost’s cellphone rang.

“It’s Korsak,” he said in lieu of an apology before answering his phone. “Yeah, Korsak?”

“You got cause of death? Jane’s hunting down coworkers and friends and I want to notify the family. See if they have any information that can help,” the veteran officer replied.

“Two gunshot wounds to the back of the head. The shots were 22 caliber more than likely. Doctor Isles says everything else was healthy. Whoever killed him didn’t try to make look like he was in an accident. Nothing was broken,” Frost reported.

“The fire was probably just to destroy evidence. The alcohol as an accelerant might have been there to also throw us off in case we did discover it. All right, get up here and help Jane hunt down people in McGee’s life.”

“I’m on my way.” Frost disconnected the call and put his phone back in his pocket. He looked back at Maura. “I gotta go.”

“That’s fine. I have plenty to do. I will keep you up to date if anything else comes up,” Maura informed him.

Detective Frost nodded, but did not make any move to leave. He shifted from side to side for a second and then scratched the back of his head. He clearly had something on his mind. _More than likely my treatment of his partner. Am I about to lose another friend?_ Maura felt a lump rise in her throat.

“Something on your mind, detective?” Maura decided to prompt him, if only to see if she was about to be discarded. She was surprised that she could talk normally as it felt like her esophagus was closing shut.

“It’s just … I dunno, this made me feel uncomfortable,” he replied with a shrug and then he rubbed the back of his head. “This is you and Jane’s thing. I felt like an ass when you called me and even though Jane tried not show it, I know it hurt her that you called me. This is your thing. You and Jane. It’s your thing. You get what I’m saying?” he asked.

Maura could not help wondering where Jane was to translate for her because she honestly did not know what he meant. How could her calling a detective working the case be a “her and Jane” thing when the detectives needed to know about her patient? She guessed that her lack of response or dumbfounded expression gave her ignorance away because Frost continued.

“You always call Jane when you find something. Every single time. It’s your routine, your thing. I know it had to feel weird to you when you called me and not her and it had to be weird when I walked in instead of her,” he explained.

She sighed. “A little,” she admitted.

“Doc,” he said the partial title in a slightly chastising manner. “How long are you going to punish Jane? Punish yourself?”

Maura looked down at the floor for a moment, searching her mind for a response. Her brain wanted to say “for as long as I can” in regards to punishing Jane, but as soon as the words crossed her mind, a flood of emotions tore through her. The feelings made her reel and wiped the response from her thoughts.

“I don’t know,” she answered in a low voice as she looked back up.

“Are you cutting Jane off forever? I don’t think she’ll be able to handle that,” he stated. There was a strange glint in his eyes as if silently saying,” I don’t think you’ll be able to handle it either.”

She shook her head. “I don’t think it’ll be forever. I’m just feeling really confused on a lot of things.” 

“Then why don’t you just talk to her?” he practically begged.

“I tried. I’m not ready.”

“Doc, you’re not going to get over this by avoiding her and not talking about it.”

“I need to work through my emotions first,” she replied and realized that was exactly what she needed to do. She needed to make sense of what was going on inside of her before she could approach Jane, so that she could have something important and relevant to say. Until then, she was certain that she would just lash out at Jane and make things worse.

“Does Jane know that?” he inquired.

“I’m not sure.”

The detective sighed and shook his head. She could practically feel his reprimanding thoughts because of her answers. _Yet another person I have disappointed and let down, but why is it only me? Is Jane so holy that I cannot even express displeasure in her without a scolding?_ Of course, she knew that was not the case, but she just wanted to be the victim. She was the victim! Jane had wronged her.

“Doc, I really don’t want to mind your business or anything, but just consider how highly unlikely it is that you’ll ever make another friend like Jane. Believe me,” he stated and then remembered that his partner was waiting.

Maura nodded as he took his leave. Once she was alone, she went back to her autopsy. Detective Frost’s words echoed in her mind.

“Why do you think it is everyone feels the need to tell me that I’ll never make another friend like Jane? I know that. I’m more than aware of that. After all, how many friends did I have before Jane? Why don’t they understand how much she hurt me? He was even there. He saw what she did. He knows exactly what she did and yet he still sides with her,” Maura said to the body. Of course, the body did not respond.

Maura worked while trying to sort through her emotions. Every time she thought about how she missed Jane and did not want to hurt her, she then remember Jane shooting her father and nearly killed him. The thoughts caused her chest to ache.

“Perhaps I should just focus on Mister McGee,” Maura decided to avoid needing to go home early with chest pains or a stomachache. 

-8-8-8-8-

“You find his family?” Frost asked as he rejoined his partner at their paired desks. 

“Korsak’s contacting them. I’m trying to find out about his coworkers. I hate when people get killed on the weekend,” Jane sighed as she stated dialing a number on her desk phone.

“You want to take a ride to his job?” Frost proposed.

“Oh, believe me, I would love to ride over there, but I can’t find someone to open the place up,” she replied with a frown.

He eased into his seat. “That bad, huh?”

“I hate when people get killed on the weekend,” she repeated while shaking her head and then turned her attention to her phone. “Hello, I’m looking for Jake Gibbs.” _Because it would’ve been too easy for him to be home or for him to answer his cell phone earlier._

“This is he,” was the groggy reply. The sound of his voice reminded Jane that it was just past seven in the morning. It was hard to remember that she since she had been awake since the sunrise and beyond.

 _Thank God_. She was tired of hunting for the man. “Sorry for waking you so early, Mister Gibbs. I’m Detective Jane Rizzoli with Boston PD.”

“Boston PD?” he gasped.

“Yes, are you the owner of the Worldly Sporting Goods store?”

“Yes. Oh, god, was the store broken into?” he inquired in a panic. It sounded like he was moving around wherever he was.

“This is actually about one of your employees – Kevin McGee,” she informed him. “He does work for you, right?”

“Yeah, Kevin works for me. What happened to him? Is he all right?”

Jane hated this part. “No, sir. I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this, but Kevin McGee was found dead earlier this morning.”

“Dead?” he echoed as if he did not know what that was. She could hear him shuffling more and loud thud echoed through the phone. He then hissed. “Goddamn it! Where the fuck are my pants? What the hell happened?”

She hoped the first question was not directed at her since she could barely answer the second and she was working that case. She did not have time for the case of the missing pants. “That’s what we’re trying to determine.”

“What do you need me do? Shit, what the hell? Kev, man, I hope you didn’t do something stupid. Hope somebody else didn’t do something stupid,” he rambled. She could hear light complaints in the background; it sounded like he woke his bedmate.

“Can you come to the station to answer a few questions?” she requested.

“Of course! Just let me find my goddamn pants!”

“Of course, sir.” Jane left her information and then hung up. “Well, that’s one person found out of god knows how many.”

“You can’t find anybody else?” Frost asked in disbelief.

“It’s Saturday morning. Does no one sleep in their own bed anymore?” she huffed. 

“I wouldn’t if I had a choice,” Frost muttered, earning a typical glare from his partner for his immature comment.

“I’m lucky to have missed this conversation, right?” Korsak remarked. “Got anything?”

“McGee’s boss is coming in to see us as soon as he find some pants. What about you?” Jane countered.

“All his family still lives down south. They said he’s a great guy, really loved it here in Boston, and they can’t understand why someone would want to kill him,” Korsak replied.

“That’s pretty much what all of our drunk witness said,” Frost reminded them.

“Well, someone disliked him enough to put two in the back of his skull. We need to find out what he was into and we still need to find the girl he was with,” Jane pointed out.

“Nobody in his family mentioned a girlfriend. In fact, they was all pretty sure that he didn’t bring women back to his place because it wasn’t finished yet,” Korsak said.

“Place looked pretty done to me. Who did you talk to?” Frost asked curiously.

“Mother, father, two sisters, and a brother. The parents three-wayed the kids in. I spoke to them altogether and then individually for a while. The brother spoke to McGee last on Thursday. Said his brother scored the perfect TV to finally replace whatever he had before,” Korsak explained.

“It was a sweet TV. Imagine a Celts game on that,” Frost commented with a smile.

“Playoffs,” Jane said with a nod and then went back into “work” mode. “So, the TV was the final piece to finishing his place off and he just bought that. Did his family say he had his eye on a girl?”

Korsak shook his head. “They said he talked about coworkers for the most part. He was a party guy, they said.”

“Shit, this girl could be anybody and possibly the last person to see McGee alive.” Jane sighed. “Time to use the press to our advantage. We need to let people know we’re looking for this girl.”

“Sounds like our best plan. Are we releasing cause of death or do want to play that close to the vest?” Korsak asked.

“Let’s keep it to us for now. We don’t have much to go on and somebody might slip up. For now, we should just say that we’re looking for anyone that might have been out with McGee last night to help us figure out how he ended up dead inside of a burning car.”

The male detectives nodded in agreement. They got work on that. Jane and Frost went to interview Jake Gibbs when he showed up. Jane was glad that he found his pants. He proved to be very helpful. He walked them through the last day of McGee’s life; he spent it bragging about his great TV and inviting people over to see it. No one took him up on the offer because it was such short notice and they all had plans from what he could tell.

“Did he get along with everyone?” Frost asked.

McGee’s boss told them the same thing everyone else said: he was a great guy. He was nice, polite, helpful, and everyone loved him. He did not have an enemy in the world. He never even had an argument with a customer.

“Any recent arguments with coworkers or even in general?” Jane inquired. She could not believe a person could work with people and never have an argument. Sometimes she argued with Korsak over the noise his new shoes made.

“Nope. He got along with everybody. Everybody liked him,” he assured her.

The most useful thing that they got from Jake Gibbs was a list of all of his employees. He also offered to take them to the store, so they could go through McGee’s locker. They went through the locker and Frost sighed. There were no picture or phone numbers of women. There were just some clothes and a gym bag with gym equipment in it.

“We got nothing,” the junior detective huffed.

“Calm down. We got a whole list of people to interview. Let’s go get started on that,” Jane suggested. 

-8-8-8-8- 

Tracking down McGee’s coworkers on a Saturday was not fun. It was not the way Jane wanted to spend her Saturday, but since she was sure that she would never another Saturday the way that she wanted to, she threw herself into the investigation full force, just as she had done the last case. She would find Kevin McGee’s killer. 

Unfortunately, none of the coworkers were really helpfully. Everyone expressed what seemed to be the appropriate amount of shock and sorrow. They all said the same thing as the boss. Working the whole weekend, the two detectives were left almost in the same place that they were at the start of the case. They were ready to curse, but they gritted their teeth and kept working until it seemed like it was a good time to call it a night. 

“Jane, maybe you should go home and get some rest,” Frost suggested as he glanced at the clock. Jane was busy staring at their bare corkboard. They had nothing beyond the victim, the primary crime scene, his apartment, and a cause of death. If the car had not been set on fire, they would have considered the murder a random act of violence, but the fact that the killer was trying to destroy evidence, they figured it had to be someone that they could link back to McGee. They just needed to find some angles.

“No, you go ahead. I’m going to try to find something,” Jane answered, eyes focused on the board. _There’s something here. I know it is_.

“Find something in nothing? Go home, Jane.”

The senior detective waved him off. He sighed, but did not bother her again. She glanced toward the elevators to make sure Frost went home and she saw Maura as the elevator doors opened. She wondered what Maura was doing so far from the lobby, hoped that the medical examiner was going to get out, and actually prayed that Maura would come talk to her. As the elevator’s doors eased closed and Maura remained inside, Jane felt her heart crushed by spiked, steel barded doors.

Shaking her head, she was able to dismiss the feeling. “I have to focus on finding McGee’s killer. I will find McGee’s killer,” she vowed. 

-8-8-8-8-

Maura was not sure why she had rode the elevator up well past the floor that she needed. When the doors opened and she caught a glimpse of Jane, her heart sped up, but her stomach felt ready to rebel, too. Then she noticed Detective Frost had entered the elevator.

“Going home kinda late, doc,” Frost stated the obvious.

“Yes, my mother called earlier and said that Mrs. Rizzoli came to keep her company for the night. I decided to catch up on my paperwork and time got away from me,” Maura explained.

“And you forgot to press for the lobby?” he posed nicely enough.

“Oh … not exactly.” 

“You know, without you, she’s doing like a lot of cops and letting the job consume her. The last case we had she worked the straight seventy-two hours we had it and then had the nerve to curl up with some cold case when we were done. I can see she’s on her way to doing that with this one, too.”

“That’s not my concern.”

He arched an eyebrow. “Isn’t it? You know, if you want an ounce of blood and a pound of flesh, by the end of this case, she’ll probably be dazed enough to give you both. Although, since it’s you, she’d probably do it either way. Doc, come on,” he practically begged.

Thankfully the doors opened to the lobby. She hastily bid him farewell and hurried away. She knew that she was running away, physically and figuratively, but she could not help it. Even though Detective Frost believed he was helping, but he was only troubling her emotions more so.

“Maybe I should go back. She needs rest,” Maura muttered, but she did not turn around. She was not ready to face Jane, even if she wanted to make sure the detective took proper care of herself. “Soon, Jane,” she promised. Soon she would know what to do … or so she hoped. 

-8-8-8-8-

The first chance that Jane got, she decided to go back to Kevin McGee’s job since hunting down his friends and interviewing them while they were sober did not help much. Kevin McGee remained the most beloved man that no one waited dead, yet some how he ended up murdered. She figured that she would go back to his coworkers since his friends did not offer anything new. The coworkers might remember something now that they were not annoyed their weekends were ruined and the news of their beloved colleague being killed was not totally fresh.

“I think I know where to get some new boxing gloves,” Jane commented under her breath when she saw the prices of everything. She would definitely come to the huge sporting goods store some other time.

The detective had beaten a lot of the employees in, but managed to speak to a few. They did not have anything new to add. Jane was ready to give up and go stare at her blank board some more, but her ears caught the pieces of a conversation that drew her in. 

“You cut your hair? I can’t believe it your hair was so long!”

“Yeah, but the orange was horrible. I wanted it blond, anyway.”

“Why didn’t you just dye it back?”

“Nah, I wanted a change. It’s been long for years.”

The conversation could have been innocent, but Jane did have long strands of black hair with the ends dyed orange in evidence and a bedmate that never materialized. _It’s worth a shot_. Jane had to glance back to see who was talking. It was two employees that she and Frost had spoken to Saturday afternoon. One was Jocelyn Shepherd and the Roxi Palmer.

Jane quietly asked the few other employees about the pair, wanting to know if McGee was close to either of them and who used to have long hair. She was told that McGee was nice to them like he was to everyone and “Joci” had long hair; they looked at her funny when she used the expression “used to” since as far as they knew she still had long hair because she had it on Friday and it had been dyed orange at the end. With that information, Jane set about verifying it.

Jane rushed back to her desk and began pulling up all she could about Joci Shepherd. By the time Frost came in – with bagels and coffee – Jane was about to rush off again. She would not have noticed him if he had not stuck a cup of coffee under her nose.

“Drink that and eat this since I know yon haven’t been home since this started,” Frost said while putting down a raisin bagel in front of her.

“How do you know that?” she asked before sipping her coffee. _I needed this_.

“You’re wearing your court clothes. So, you more than likely wore your spare suit yesterday and the court clothes were all you had left here,” he reasoned.

She chuckled. “We’ll make a detective out of you yet, Barry. Now, while you were busy sleeping and having a balanced breakfast, I was busy finding us a suspect,” she proclaimed.

“What? What did you find?” he inquired, looking at her computer screen. “Jocelyn Shepherd? She claimed that she was with her boyfriend on the night of the murder.”

“She also claimed this hair style worked,” Jane remarked as she brought up Shepherd’s Facebook page. There were several pictures of her with long black hair with the ends tinted orange.

“What the hell?” Frost blinked in surprise. “She didn’t look like that on Saturday. We need to get a DNA sample from her and fingerprints,” he stated. “Let’s go.”

Jane did not move. “I think I want to talk to her with the boyfriend. She lied to us when we saw her before, but he lied to us, too, when he said they were together Friday. Something is rotten in the state of Relationshipville.”

He nodded in agreement. “Something is fishy there. He might know something. Wanna bring him in? Sweat a story out of him and lock him into it?”

“We don’t have anything on him. Let’s go get her and sweat her a bit before we give him a phone call. I bet you see calls him.”

“You wanna take that chance? She might lawyer up,” he pointed out. 

“Nah, I’m starting to figure out what happened. She cheated, panicked that undoubtedly possessive boyfriend was going to find out, and told on herself. Check her phone records. I already got permission. I bet you there’s a call from or near McGee’s home.”

Frost decided to see. Jane had to let him do some work, after all. Sure enough Jane was right. “Her cellphone pinged off of cell tower right by his house. And look at who she called.” He turned the screen to her.

She chuckled. “Oh, the boyfriend. Surprise, surprise. I think we need to go have a talk with Bonnie and Clyde because if doesn’t look like they were at home.”

“Wait, check this out. She called the boyfriend and then when she’s near his house, she called McGee back. She probably lured him out of his house with some kind of story and that’s why he left the second time,” Frost figured as he pointed out the other call and location. “And then she got a call from him near that park. Probably trying to figure out where she was for whatever reason she called him out there.”

She smirked. Everything that Frost said made sense to her and matched what they had. “Gotta love cell phones.” Now, they just needed Joci Shepherd to confess and they needed to find out what the boyfriend had to do with all of it.

“Hell, yeah.” 

-8-8-8-8- 

They wasted no time bringing Joci Shepherd in. They took her to an interrogation room while Korsak went to pick up the boyfriend. They did not want to give the lovers a chance to come up with a story.

“So, where did you say you were again on Friday?” Jane asked curiously as she and Frost said down.

Joci, a petite caramel-skinned woman, smiled politely at them. “I was with my boyfriend all night. I told you this.”

“Yeah, you told us that, but it doesn’t really fit with anything that we have. You see, we have your fingerprints in McGee’s house on recently used glasses. Can you explain that?” Frost inquired.

The smile faltered. “Um … maybe it was a glass he took from work,” Joci offered.

“No, he had the matching set. Why didn’t you just come forward and admit that you were with him and you were the last person to see him alive?” Jane asked.

Now, there was a trickle of sweat. “I wasn’t with him! I was with my boyfriend! You can ask Tony! I was with him all night! I’ve never been to Kevin’s house, ever!”

“That’s not what your hair says,” Frost remarked. “Long black strands with orange at the end? Kinda suspicious that you cut yours on Saturday.”

“You’re hard to forget when you have two feet of silky black hair and orange ends. The hairdresser described you perfectly, your mood, your frantic pleas to cut the hair short, even though he really didn’t want to. We’ve got all kinds of evidence on you, Joci. Just admit it because you’re going down for first-degree murder and you’re going to be in prison for the rest of your life!” Jane proclaimed.

“But, I wasn’t the one that shot him! Tony did!” Jocelyn shouted. Tony was the boyfriend, who was probably sitting with Korsak lying about how he and Joci ate pizza and fucked all Friday night with one of those stupid guy grins on his face.

“Then where’s the gun?” And that was all Jane needed to ask. Jocelyn told all and blamed it all on Tony. Frost was on the phone, getting a warrant before that question was even answered.

The detectives had Joci taken to a holding cell while they went to search her boyfriend’s house. The murder weapon was at Tony’s house in the exact spot that Joci told them. They found the gun and bullets, along the brand of cigarettes that had been used to burn McGee’s car. Once they had that, it was Tony’s turn to sing like a bird. 

-8-8-8-8-

The detectives went out for celebratory drinks at the Dirty Robber. They had solved a case that had practically nothing. Jane smiled a bit, happy to have kept her silent promise to McGee about finding his killer.

“You know the crazy thing about this?” Frost said.

“The girl could’ve got away with cheating since she made sure no one knew she was going to McGee’s place, but she told on herself like the second after it happened?” Jane asked. She could not understand why Joci would do that beyond the fact that she probably very scared of her boyfriend and thought that things would be worse if he found out from someone else.

“No,” Frost replied.

“The fact that Tony believed her bullshit rape story? I mean, if McGee raped her, would he have driven her home?” Korsak wondered aloud, snorting. They were all pretty sure that Tony did not really believe the story, but it gave him an excuse to kill the man that touched his girl. 

“No,” Frost repeated.

“Then what? What’s the crazy thing about this?” Jane demanded.

“The fact that you solved this almost singlehandedly on a single cup of coffee and a bagel,” he remarked.

They all laughed, even though that was almost the truth. When the celebration was done, Jane went home to shower and change clothes. She then found her way back to her desk with a cold case. She could not stay home. Home reminded her of Maura. So, she would avoid it until things changed. 

-8-8-8-8-

Next time: Maura has an emotional crisis and goes to the only person that she can.


	6. Lean on me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t own these characters.

6: Lean on me 

Maura was at the station and found herself going upstairs yet again. She did not really need to, but she kept doing it. She could not find a logical reason for why she continuously did something that she did not need to, but there she was again. She had a folder in hand that she would deliver to a detective, but her eyes scanned the floor for Jane as she often did.

Jane was hunched over her desk, something that was becoming typical for her. Maura had to strain her neck a little to see Jane’s face, which was almost ashen in pallor. There were dark circles under her eyes with deep lines cutting through her drawn face. Her hair was wilder than usual and her clothes were crumpled.

“Jane …” Maura whispered and felt the now normal emotions at war in her chest.

She did not want to feel the conflict, so she turned way and hunted for the detective that she could give the folder to. She then rushed back to the safety and the security of her morgue. Down there, she did not feel like she was at war with herself. In her kingdom, she could feel normal, even if she was not normal.

Maura sighed. “Isn’t that why I’m queen of the dead? Isn’t that why I work with dead people as it is? They can’t tell me how weird I am.”

Of course, Jane never told her how weird she was without meaning it in a loving manner. Jane was the very first person to accept all of her quirks. Sometimes she even accepted them with a smile and other times accepted them with a laugh or a joke, but she was accepted in full. A blur of memories highlighting that fact went through her mind’s eye and she laughed.

“Remembering her always can make me smile and seeing her brought out some concern, but underneath it all, I can still feel this intense, burning fury toward her. I wish we could just do that day over. I wish we could have that time back,” she muttered, subconsciously rubbing the center of her chest.

Theoretically, time was not linear, but then was also no way to prove that, so she doubted that they would be able to change history anytime soon. Instead, they would have to look to the future, but Maura felt like she was stuck in the present. She was stuck emotionally.

“Why can’t I settle?” she wondered aloud, but she knew the reason for it.

Part of her wanted to feel outraged. There was a piece of her that clung to her righteous indignation for her father. It was the thing to do, right? Daughters felt angry when their fathers were injured, nearly killed, even when the daughter’s best friend caused the injury … and even if that best friend had cause to do so. She was certain that was the order or things, so she was supposed to feel the way that she did.

“Then why do I feel upset about feeling this way? I don’t want to feel this way about Jane, do I?” Now, that she was not sure about.

If part of her wanted to be outraged and she allowed it, then logically she wanted to feel how she felt about Jane. Shaking her head, she did her best to stop thinking about it because it was only making matters more complicated. She tried to switch her brain to work mode as best she could, but that was always a little niggle at the back of her mind. 

Somewhere in the building Jane was suffering. Somewhere in the building Jane was working herself to death and Maura knew that she had the power to stop it. Yet, she did nothing, which actually meant she did something. She condemned Jane.

“And for who? The father that watched from a distance? The father who put his life of crime ahead of me?” she pondered aloud as a deep scowl cut across her face like a dagger. “But, my father nonetheless … at last in a biological sense.”

She groaned and gently kneaded her forehead with her fingertips, recognizing for once that she was thinking too much. She also realized that she interacted or at least saw Jane enough to know that she had a hurricane worth of emotions toward her. She never saw her father to consider her emotions toward him. After all, he had killed two people right in front of her. Jane had only wounded him and Maura felt no less that a swirl of intensity toward the detective.

“I should go see him,” she decided.

She had called the hospital and used plenty of connections to find out about him, but that was a couple of weeks ago. She had been focusing on work and on her mother more than anything else; they were the best ways to keep from thinking about Jane. She briefly wondered if that was a subconscious clue about her feelings.

The last time she called to check on Doyle, he had been fighting off an infection, which was why he had not been moved to a proper prison infirmary. Before the infection set in, he had come through several surgeries to remove the slugs that Jane put in him and to repair organ damage. Everything was fine until the infection set in, but thankfully he was allowed to stay in the hospital’s ICU.

She supposed that by now his condition should have improved. Of course, if it had not, she doubted that anyone would notify her. No one knew that she was his daughter and she preferred to keep it that way. _Could that be another clue about my feelings?_ Most people just assumed that she was checking on his condition because she was the first doctor on the scene and she had kept him alive for precious minutes while waiting for the paramedics. She had not even told her mother about him.

“That has to mean something, right?” she asked herself, still massaging her forehead, and pretended not have the answer.

She decided to check on Doyle immediately since it was on her mind and she was not getting any work done. She doubted that she would get any work done until she knew how he was doing. _He is my father. I should check on him_. _That’s what was good daughter would do_. For some reason, the thought sounded insincere to her. It was like she was giving herself instructions or coaching.

Shaking away those quarrelsome, morose thoughts, she got to work and found herself getting the run around more so than usual. Her heart rate increased and it felt like her stomach dropped down to her feet. As the phone was passed around more, her throat tightened and she found it difficult to breath.  

 _What if he died? Oh, my god, what if Jane killed him? What then? I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive her_.

And then she found out something almost as bad. Doyle had not died, but he had disappeared, escaped. He was gone and had been so for days. No one thought to tell her, not even Doyle and was her father. He had not bothered to call, to let her know that he was all right, or to at least assure her that he was fine and had antibiotics for his infection. He was silent, as usual. He was ghost until it suited him to be otherwise.

Maura did not remember disconnecting the call, did not recall moving even the smallest part of her body. She was certain that she hung up on someone, but she did not care. She suddenly felt hollow, empty, like a cracked shell waiting for a strong breeze to crumble the whole exterior. 

Her one blood tie was gone again. It was like finding out that she was adopted again, finding out that she was an orphan again. She felt like she was completely alone in the world. Everyone and thing was gone. She was the last human being on Earth, abandoned by all other forms of life, not worth sticking around for any way, shape, or form. She was unwanted, unloved, and utterly alone. She could feel the tears in her eyes, but did not bother to wipe them away as they poured down her face.

“Why does he keep disregarding me?” she begged the air. “What’s so wrong with me that allows him to so easily dismiss me without even a call?”

The silence seemed to make matters worse and she now was aware that Doyle had the power to break her heart. Through out her life only a selected few had that ability, but part of her believed that Doyle should not have the honor. The list was too short and intimate for a man that she barely knew to grace the pains of her heart.

“It doesn’t make sense,” she groaned as a headache instantly pounded on her temples. The urge to vomit sneaked up on her, too. Emotional turmoil seemed to always lead to physical aliments lately, she noted as tight cramps locked up her stomach.

Stumbling to her feet, Maura was not sure what to do or even why the news was impacting her so much. She began moving, not sure when to go. _Maybe I should go home_. Yet, for some reason, she went past the lobby on the elevator and ended up the one place that she should not have. Her eyes did a panicked scan for the one person she did not have a right to look for. The messy desk was empty for the first time in days. 

-8-8-8-8-

Jane rolled over on the couch to give herself a better view of the door. She thought she heard knocking, but it was short and low. Straining her ears, she heard something, but it was not knocking. It sounded like muffled sobs.

“I hope this isn’t Ma. Lord knows if something happened to her, I’ve got no choice but to see what’s up considering the bullet Frankie and Tommy took with her thanks to me,” Jane remarked as she went to the door.

Checking the peephole, Jane was certain her mind was playing tricks on her. She got over that as Maura turned to leave. She yanked the door open harder than she meant to, causing the petite doctor to jump. Hazel eyes were wide as Maura faced Jane.

“Maura?” Jane said, her voice sounding alien to her own ears. _Just when I thought my voice was as gravelly as possible_. “You need something?” she asked the obvious. _Need me?_ Maura’s presence and tear-stained face was answer enough.

“Jane?” Maura whimpered. Her bottom lip trembled.

The look was more than enough to get to Jane. _I’m such a sucker_. She opened her arms. “Come on,” she sighed.

“Oh, Jane!” The medical examiner threw herself into Jane’s strong arms.

Maura was sobbing as soon as she was secure. Jane only sighed again as she moved them both back into the privacy of the apartment. She settled them both onto the sofa and Maura curled into her like a frightened child. Jane held her as the wailing shook her svelte body. Jane held her tighter whenever she trembled. Once the sobbing mellowed into simple crying, Jane took a chance and rubbed Maura’s back.

“Now, want to tell me what happened?” Jane asked in a low voice. She felt like talking any louder might spook Maura or make her recall that she was not speaking to Jane.

Maura whimpered and sniffled. “He … he … he just left again! He just left me! He can’t just abandon people like this! Can’t just abandon me!” she bawled.

“Who are we talking about? Doyle?” Jane guessed. She managed to hold in a growl and kept from curling her lip in disgust of the man. _Well, at least I shot the bastard when I had the chance. How dare he make Maura cry! Of course, I caught shit over that from the very person crying on me right now. Hell, I’m probably still catching shit, but this is like a time out. Why is my life always fucking complicated?_ Had it been any person beside Maura, she would have told the person to go fuck themselves while on their way to Hell, but Maura another matter. Only Maura could treat her like crap for over a month and then dare to come cry on her and get away with it. 

“Yes,” she sort of hiccuped the word. She paused to sniffle and take a breath to undoubtedly keep her voice from cracking. “He escaped custody.”

Jane’s mouth dropped open. “He what?” She was sure that she screamed that, but she felt like she was justified. The doctor did not say anything regarding her volume.

“He escaped. He was being kept in the hospital ICU after getting an infection from his wounds. Well, if that was ever true. He might’ve paid doctors off to lie about his condition to give him time to escape custody,” Maura replied.

“It is easier to escape a hospital than it is to escape a prison. But, how do you know all of this?” Jane asked curiously.

Hazel eyes glanced down. “I’ve been calling around about his condition.”

“Maura,” Jane’s tone was so chastising that she only needed to say the name.

“Don’t worry, Jane. They don’t know our relationship.”

Jane scoffed and she was sure that her eyes said, “what relationship?” The doctor did not say anything about, which was probably because she did not see the look since she was still protectively cuddled into the detective’s shoulder. Jane fixed her expression in case Maura looked up and saw her eyes.

“So, what do they think you are to Doyle when they tell you about him?” the detective asked.

“I was the doctor on scene, so I just call to check on my patient. The FBI didn’t tell you he escaped?”

Jane shook her head. “Without Dean, I’m out of the loop. Hell, even with Dean, I was out of the loop. They probably don’t want people to know they dropped the ball and lost … him.” She had to censor herself because she was about to call Doyle a cop-killer, which he technically was, even if Dean was an FBI agent. But, she doubted that Maura would take that the right way, if such a thing existed.

Maura sniffled and nodded. “I’ve actually been worried about him, though! You know how serious an infection could be after surgery!”

Jane could only make a noise. Hell, yeah, she knew considering the fact that when she was in the hospital after she shot herself, Maura only spoke of possible infection every five seconds. Still, she was not moved that Doyle might or might not have an infection. She wished that Maura would not worry about the bastard. He was such a bastard, after all. _When is she going to just admit it and accept it?_

“I thought … I thought he died,” Maura whispered and her fear echoed through out the whole apartment.

Jane was not sure what she should say. She did not want Doyle dead, but she was sick of him messing with Maura. Slowly but surely he had brought chaos to Maura’s rather orderly life and now she did not seem to know which way was up when it came to the guy.

“But, he didn’t die,” Jane stated soundly.

The medical examiner nodded, but she seemed to tuck herself tighter into Jane. The contact actually made Jane feel warm for the first time in a long time. Things were somewhat right in her world with Maura leaning on her, physically, emotionally, and psychology.

“I thought he did. I was so scared that he did. I thought I’d have to hate you forever for making me alone in this world,” the doctor’s voice shook worse than she had been doing when she made that statement.

“You don’t have to hate me at all and you’re never alone in this world. I’m always here, even when you hate me.” Jane held Maura a little tighter and rubbed the small of her back.

Maura shook her head, but did not seem like she was disagreeing. “You don’t know what it’s like to have no blood ties. You have this large, loving family.”

“I thought you didn’t mind. You always make it seem like what you had is just as good as what anybody else has and really it is. Your parents are a little … odd, but they do love you. They might not know how to show it, but they do. They’ve been there for you more than Doyle, anyway. Why do you suddenly feel the need to adopt this guy? He was just a sperm donor, Maura.”

There was silent for what seemed like an eternity before the doctor was able to speak. “My father … my adopted father … he was sort of like my mother … before you talked to her and he’s still like that. I guess I just … I want more, Jane. I want more than a passing indifference to my general existence. I want someone to care.”

“I care, Maura! Goddamn it, I care!” Jane roared with passion for the world to hear.

“I know,” was the whispered response.

“But, you want more.”

“And I want to be mad at you! How could you shoot my father right in front me!” She pulled away and shoved the detective. “Who does that?”

“What? I told you I was being stupid for a second! That was the single most idiotic brain fart I have ever had and I was a complete asshole for following that stupid impulse!” Jane admitted, holding her hands up in surrender.

“The stupidest!” Maura agreed.

“Okay, so you’re definitely entitled to feel mad at me. Everything I say is an excuse, between the stupid thought and the fact that I needed to do my job. Never mind all of that shit. Are we beyond the complete and utter hatred you had for me?”

The doctor nodded. “I suspect that has to be the case if at the first sign of emotional turmoil, I run right to you.”

“You can always run to me,” Jane reminded her with a soft, loving smile.

“I know. I know it so well that I came here while trying to convince myself that a good daughter would hate you for what you did. I believe it’s becoming clear that I cannot sustain any negative emotions toward you.”

“But, you’re still pissed with me,” the detective pointed out.

“Yes, but anger is temporary. Hatred is expected to last until death. I could never hate you, not seriously,” Maura explained. It was a draining lesson to learn.

Jane nodded. “Been there, done that, so I understand.”

“So, I’m going to continue being angry with you for now.”

Jane smiled. “Carry on.”

Despite the anger, Jane put her arms back around Maura and the doctor curled back into her. Jane knew things were not over, but now she was certain that they would weather the storm. She just needed to wait it out. 

-8-8-8-8-

Maura got home close to midnight. The lights were all out, so she tried to walk through the house quietly to avoid waking her mother. She found out that was unnecessary.

“Maura, is that you?” Constance called from the guest room.

“Of course, Mother. Sorry if I woke you,” Maura apologized from the doorway.

“You didn’t. I was reading. Come sit with me.”

The medical examiner nodded and did as requested. She elegantly eased onto the edge of the bed, conscious on her mother’s legs. The pair smiled at each other.

“So, where were you, darling? More late work?” Constance guessed.

Maura shook her head. “No, I was actually with Jane.” She wished that she could ignore the spark that lit up in her mother’s eyes at the mention of her best friend’s name.

“Have you two made up?” Constance asked, doing her best to sound normal. There was a slight, unnatural jump in her voice, though.

“I don’t think so, but things are certainly better. I’m still quite angry with her.”

The artist’s face scrunched up slightly and she raised an eyebrow. “Then, why were you with her?”

“I needed her. I have learned that I can be upset with her without having to hate her or having to act as if we don’t know each other or as if it’s the end of the world,” Maura stated.

Constance smiled. “I’m glad. Despite her crass demeanor, I think Jane is very good for you. She’s a good person and a good friend.”

Thinking about how Jane had let her cry on he shoulder just a few hours ago, all the doctor could do was smile and nod. She doubted her mother would ever truly understand how great Jane was, but she was glad that Constance approved of her.

“Do you want to tell me what you two have been fighting over?” Constance asked curiously.

Maura was quiet for a while. “Um … I would rather you tell me how you know Paddy Doyle.”

Constance blinked hard. “Paddy Doyle?”

“Yes, Mother. You asked about him while you were in the hospital. How do you know him?”

The artist glanced away as she wrung her hands together. “How did you cross paths with him?”

“The brother I never knew I had ended up on my table and suddenly he was in my life for the briefest of moments.”

“Brother? Trust Patrick to plant his seed elsewhere, even after what happened before.”

“So, you do know him. Does that mean you know my birth mother?” Maura asked.

Constance shook. “I was never officially told, but I can hazard a guess. I just would hate to get your hopes up over a guess. Once upon a time, Patrick would come around to society events. He was charming, extremely intelligent, and supremely confident in himself. He claimed to be a wealthy businessman and the few men that surrounded him back that story. It took no time for him to have everyone eating out or the palm of his hand. He was just so charismatic.”

Maura scoffed. “He didn’t seem that charming to me,” she huffed. There was charming about being lied to, kidnapped, put in constant danger, and forced to do surgery at gunpoint while her friend was threatened.

“Well, this was a long time ago, dear,” Constance conceded with a small smile.

The doctor conceded that with a half shrug. “So, around how many candidates are there that might be my mother?”

“Sorry to tell you, but dozens. I assume I was actually approached to adopt you because I was out of the country for a year and did not know what was going on.”

“Did you know he was my father?”

Constance shook her head. “Not at first. A third party approached us in regards to your adoption. People talk and the walls whisper. But, it did not matter to me nor did it matter to your father. We wanted a child and I was not capable and you were adorable. There were a lot of rumors as to why you were given up, which is why I’m surprised that Patrick would have more children.”

Maura sighed. That was not a lot to go on. In fact, it just left her with more questions. But, she noted her mother’s choice of words “given up.” She had been given up, passed on, like an object, like an extra. Both her father and her mother had discarded her without her having done anything beyond being born. Yet, she had done loathsome things to Jane and still had been allowed to cry on her shoulder.

“You should get some rest, Mother,” Maura announced while climbing to her feet. She gently patted her mother’s leg. Contact between them was sparse, but they both liked it, so they were trying to be slightly more tactile with each other.

“As should you.” There was a stretch of silence between them as Maura made her way to the door. Constance then spoke softly. “I love you, Maura.” 

The doctor stopped dead in her tracks. That was definitely not a phrase she heard often and certainly not from her mother. She smiled at her mother.

“I love you, too.” The phrase came from the heart and Maura felt nearly blissful just from saying. It made her realize that her mother was now there for her. She was not alone in the world. She had friends and family, even if they had no blood ties. _And that’s fine_. 

-8-8-8-8-

Next time: the healing starts.


	7. Acting shy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t own these characters.

7: Acting shy

Despite the fact that Maura had come and cried on her, Jane knew that her own personal Hell was far from over. She was certain that Maura was very serious about still being angry with her. She was not sure what Maura being angry would be like compared to Maura hating her. She hoped it was a step up. She also hoped for some professionalism at their next crime scene. She doubted that she could take another case with “asshole” Maura.

She would find out soon enough as she got a call that they had a body. She got dressed on the way to the crime scene, which was a house in a middle class neighborhood. Glancing around, she wondered what gruesome sight awaited her. _It’s always the seemingly normal people that have the worse things happen to them in death_.

She made her way to the master bedroom where Maura was already crouched over the body. She stopped as she remembered her reception at the last crime scene. Even though she was sure they were past the worst of Maura’s emotions, she was not in the mood to be treated horribly in front of everyone again. Glancing around, she spotted her partner. 

“Hey, Frost,” Jane greeted the junior detective.

“Hey, what do we got?” Frost asked curiously. 

“I’m not sure. I just got here myself.” 

Frost nodded. “Is Doctor Isles here yet?” he asked and then focused on her for his answer. He glanced at Jane and opened his mouth, probably about to put his foot in it. He then seemed to reconsider and closed his mouth, gathering his thoughts. “Still not talking to you?”

“I’m not too sure. She admitted that she’s still pissed with me. I don’t want to find out _how_ pissed,” Jane confessed.

Frost frowned. “You two owe me big when this is all said and done.”

She nodded in agreement, knowing they put him in an awkward situation because their personal problems troubled the professional waters. She had not expected it, but Maura seemed to have less of a filter when she was upset. _Who the hell thought that was even possible?_ She definitely had more bite to her, which Jane was not in the mood to feel again.

The partners walked over to the pathologist and the victim. Jane examined what she could without saying a word to Maura. She figured if that bothered the doctor, then they were definitely still in rough waters, but if it did not, then there might be clear skies and land ahead. The victim was a middle-aged white male with a gunshot wound to the side of the head. At first glance, it looked like a suicide.

“So, what do we have, Doctor Isles?” Frost asked in the most professional voice he could muster through the slight tension between his partner and her best friend.

“We have Mister Jeffery Matthews, aged forty-five with a gunshot wound to his right temple,” Maura reported.

“Suicide?” Frost asked the obvious.

“I would say so, except for one outstanding issue,” Maura replied and before she could elaborate, Jane chimed.

“Where’s the gun?” the senior detective wondered aloud as she scanned the rest of the room. She walked off to find the weapon, but honestly that was enough for her to figure it was not a suicide. _It’s hard to shoot yourself and then hide the gun_.

Maura glanced up as Jane moved away. “She’s right. There was no gun around the body when I came in.”

Frost nodded. “We should still do a gunshot residue test to see if he fired a gun.”

“I’m pretty sure he did,” Jane said from the doorjamb. She focused on what appeared to be a thick nick at shoulder-height. There was also a bullet hole in the wall next to the nick. “I just don’t think it was at himself.”

Frost arched an eyebrow as he stood up and moved closed to where their victim mostly stood in his final moments. “You think he was shooting at someone?” he asked while assuming his firing position.

“That’s what it looks like to me. That or he really hated this wall. Let’s see if we can find some shell casings to go along with this theory,” Jane suggested.

“Or maybe he got lucky and hit the person and we have foreign blood in the living room,” Frost said.

Jane nodded and they got to work while Maura continued her initial examination. Frost moved around the bedroom for the casings while Jane took the rest of the house, searching for evidence to support her theory or give her a new theory. Mostly what she saw was clutter.

“I guess the cleaning service didn’t make it in yet,” she muttered as she went to the coffee table. She picked up a pile of mail and flipped through it. She arched an eyebrow as she came across a couple of pieces of mail that were not addressed to Mr. Matthews. “So, there’s probably a Mrs. Matthews out there or there once was a Mrs. Matthews.”

She found a few more things supporting the idea that there once was a Mrs. Matthews, but she did not know anything about that woman. She would have liked to talk to the person that discovered the body of Jeffery Matthews, his daughter, but she had freaked out so badly after finding his body that she had to be sedated by the first responders. She would probably not be a good witness for a while.

Once she finished going through the mail, Jane continued looking for shell casings and also looked for more holes in the walls. She found two at the front of the house that a laser showed lined up with the two holes by the doorjamb in the bedroom. A couple of techs went to search outside for the bullets.

After the scene was processed, Frost and Jane went to interview neighbors. Korsak had already started, but there were plenty of houses to go to. No one heard anything that morning or during the night. Maura said that Mr. Matthews was killed last night, but could not narrow it down just yet. The whole neighborhood was probably busy with dinner or settling in for all of their prime time shows or getting ready to go party while poor Mr. Matthews was being shot, killed, and staged to make it seems like he committed suicide.

“He was such a nice guy …” a neighbor said. _They usually are_ , Jane thought.

“He usually helped out whenever he could …” Another said.

“He didn’t have any problems in the neighborhood, especially now. We used to complain when Linda lived there.”

The two detectives blinked. “Linda?” Jane echoed. She recalled the name or a couple of pieces of mail back in the house.

“The daughter’s name is Lidia,” Frost supplied. Lidia had been the unfortunate person to find Mr. Matthews. She had been so hysterical that the 911 dispatcher could not get the story out of her for almost five minutes. She had not been able to give a statement when the police arrived and was eventually taken to a hospital.

“Linda’s the wife?” Jane guessed.

“I guess you could still call her a wife. They’re in the middle of a divorce and she moved out a couple of months ago. We, as in the whole freaking block, were happy to see her go. That woman could scream. There were some days you could hear her shrieking down the block. She made you want to call the cops on her sometimes, but it seemed wrong to call the police just because she was a banshee.”

“You think she had something to do with this?” Frost asked curiously.  

The neighbor made a face. “I don’t know if I’d say that. She seems all bark and no bite, you know? She’d scream and nag him, but nothing more than that. She didn’t even really belittle him. Just screech like a damned banshee.”

“Do you know how the divorce was going?” Jane inquired.

“Not good I imagine. He looked as miserable with her gone as he did with her here, but he didn’t talk about it much.”

Jane nodded and jotted that down. She also made a note to speak with Mr. Matthews’ lawyer to find out how the divorce was going. They worked their way through the rest of the neighbors and compared notes with Korsak. Everyone was agreed that the victim was a nice guy, but could have enemies due to his job as a corrections officer. Then there was his wife, a ball-buster for sure, but no one seemed to think that she would ever shoot her husband.

“Did you find out anything about the daughter’s condition?” Korsak asked.

“She’s in the hospital for now. Still sedated,” Jane informed him, shaking her head. 

Korsak sucked his teeth. “She might have some valuable information.”

“Calm down, Korsak. She just found her father dead. We’ve got enough to check out while she pulls it together. We should talk to Mr. Matthews’ lawyer, his wife, and see if Maura has anything,” Jane pointed out.

“Plenty of footwork,” Frost added.

“Computer work for you, too. Start digging on Mr. Matthews. Maybe he did something on the job that pissed some ex-con off,” Jane reminded him.

They all nodded and split up with Frost going back to his desk while the older detective went to interview the wife. They got the address for Linda Matthews and noted immediately the downgrade in the living arrangement. It was not so much the area, but the fact that she lived in an old apartment complex rather than a house.

“Do you think we can just arrest her right now and close the case?” Korsak joked.

“Just because she lives in a crappy apartment while he got the house doesn’t mean she did,” Jane replied with a laugh. Then she glanced around. “Of course, if I lived here, _I_ might kill somebody.”

“Might?” he remarked.

Jane chuckled and knocked on the door. A, what Jane would categorize as a “bitchy” tone, demanded to know who was at the door. Jane’s response was to wave her badge in front of the peephole. She heard a gasp.

“Boston PD, ma’am. We need to speak with you,” Korsak announced.

There were some cursing and muttering, but that was accompanied by sound of locks popping. The door eased open to reveal a middle-aged brunette dressed in a short robe. The wildness of her hair and lines under her eyes let them know that she had just woken up. Her eyes drifted to their belts, checking their badges.

“What happened? Is my kid okay?” Linda demanded, worry in her tone.

“She’s as fine one can expect from the shock she had this morning,” Jane commented.

“What happened?” Linda repeated.

“About two hours ago, Lidia discovered her father dead in his bedroom from a gunshot wound to the head,” Korsak reported.

Linda gasped. “That idiot! That fucking idiot finally did it, didn’t he?”

Jane arched an eyebrow. “Did it?”

“Killed himself. He’s had problems with depression on and off for years and he’s tried to kill himself twice,” Linda told them.

“Really? So, is there a reason that he would try to kill himself now?” Korsak asked.

“The divorce. He didn’t take it so well when I told him I wanted one. I was just so sick of his mental problems. I know this is going to sound horrible, but I’m almost happy he succeeded. He was really troubled,” Linda sighed and shook her head.

“So, you think he shot himself? No thoughts of foul play?” Jane inquired. The suicide theory did not sit well with her since there were bullet holes in the house, going out of the bedroom into the living room, and out of the front of the house.

“Foul play? I can’t imagine. People liked him for the most part, but they didn’t really know about his mental problems. You think someone shot him?” Linda asked in disbelief.

“We’re just trying to get all of the facts together. Did he mention having any problems at work?” Korsak countered.

Linda shook her head. “He didn’t talk much about his job. He didn’t think it was right for conversation, especially when Lidia was around.” She gasped. “Oh, my god! You said Lidia found him! I need to get to her!”

“We understand. Here’s my card. You can call me if you think of anything else or want to check on the progress of the investigation,” Jane said as she handed the card to Linda. Linda nodded and then disappeared back inside of her apartment.

“Okay, that was a little weird, but maybe he did commit suicide,” Korsak proposed as they went to the car.

“You think he shot himself and the daughter hid the gun when she found him?” Jane guessed.

“Some people don’t want others to know they have suicidal family members.”

“What about the bullet nick and the bullet hole in the door?” Jane said.

“Might not have been from a bullet and could’ve been there for a while. Hell, he might have just been shooting at the walls if he was as crazy as the wife is making him out to be,” he pointed out.

“Let’s see what Maura has and go from there.”

Korsak nodded in agreement and they drove off to find out if they even had a case. 

-8-8-8-8- 

Maura was not surprised when detectives Korsak and Rizzoli marched into autopsy. She had plenty of things ready for them. She noted how Jane stayed behind Korsak and she felt a bit guilty about that, but she was glad that Jane was respecting her right to be upset. It made her a little less upset. 

“Tell us you at least determined if it was a suicide or not,” Korsak begged.

Maura made a face. “Not exactly.”

“Not exactly? What does that mean?” Korsak glanced at Jane since she was fluent in Maura.

“It could be a suicide,” Maura conceded.

“I sense a but,” Jane commented with a smile.

“But,” Maura continued. “The angle of the shot is very odd. It seems that the gun was put to his head here.” She demonstrated on herself, having to put her arm uncomfortably high, especially if she were holding a gun.

“Not the usual way a person would shoot himself,” Korsak agreed.

“No, and probably quite difficult to pull the trigger, but not impossible. The area is a bit strange for a suicidal shot, also. Typically, a gunshot to the head for a suicide is to the temple or through the mouth. This one is almost at the top of the head, which is why the angle is so high. I also analyzed his stomach contents and feel confident in saying he was killed less than an hour after eating pizza and hot wings. It seems like a poor last meal,” Maura commented with a slight frown.

“Yeah, if I was gonna off myself, I’d probably order a bigger dinner, but that doesn’t mean he didn’t kill himself,” Korsak pointed out.

“No, this quite true. But, there are other anomalies with this case. He had gunshot residue on his hand, so that does support suicide, but there was a partial print in the house that was not his and there was a blonde hair near his body, but none were found anywhere else in the house. I’m told his daughter is a brunette,” Maura said.

“His wife, too. He had a friend in the bedroom before committing suicide?” Korsak wondered aloud.

“I’m having it sent for DNA testing. The bullet was stuck in his jaw and it is of the 38 caliber variety.” Maura passed the bullet to the detectives.

“And it got stuck in his jaw?” Korsak asked in disbelief.

“Stranger things have happened … on this case alone,” the medical examiner pointed out. Korsak conceded that with a shrug. “The bullet fragmented on impact, so that’s why it ended up stuck in his jaw.”

“Let’s go find out if he owned a gun if the daughter has gathered herself enough to talk,” Jane suggested.

“Yeah.” Korsak then tuned to Maura. “Thanks, doc. Call us if you find anything else.” 

“Of course,” Maura replied and she gave Jane a lingering look. Her best friend gave a small smile, which delighted the doctor. _Maybe I’m not_ that _mad anymore_ , she considered as the pair left her to dig deeper in the case. 

-8-8-8-8-

“Frost, you got something?” Jane inquired as she and Korsak joined the computer whiz.

“Nothing much. Dug up the insurance policy. His daughter’s beneficiary, but it doesn’t pay out in the case of suicide,” Frost explained.

“Maybe the daughter did hide the gun,” Korsak said.

“That does make sense. But, you got anything else, Frost?” Jane asked.

“Phone records. He called his daughter a couple of times. The wife called him once around seven. Did you get anything from her?”

“She’s of the mind he killed himself and didn’t seem broken up that he was dead. She claimed he tried kill himself twice before. Did you find a gun registered to him?”

Frost nodded. “He’s got a Glock.” He brought up a picture of the weapon and it’s specs.

Jane and Korsak chuckled. “Suicide my ass,” Jane declared.

“What did I miss?” Frost inquired.

“The doc pulled a 38 shot out Matthews head and that Glock takes 45s,” the sergeant answered.

“Well, that doesn’t mean he didn’t kill himself. He might’ve done it with someone else’s gun,” Frost reasoned.

“Let’s go talk to the daughter about the initial scene and what she saw,” Jane said, walking off already. Frost realized she was speaking to him by the time she was at the elevator. “Glad you could join me,” she joked.

“You’re in better spirits,” he noted. She only gave him a skeptical look. 

-8-8-8-8-

Maura was still working when Sergeant Detective Korsak came back down to autopsy. Maura was actually a bit nervous by his presence because he was alone. The last time he came down alone, she was left thinking that he was having heart problems. 

“Can I do something for you, Sergeant Detective?” the doctor asked.

“Not really. Just wanted you to know that the gun registered to him doesn’t take the rounds you pulled out of him. Jane and Frost went to go speak with the daughter, Lidia,” he explained.

“Oh, okay. Thank you for keeping me in the loop. The bullet was sent to ballistics, so hopefully they will find something to help you out.”

Korsak nodded. “Um … Doc, I … well, I want you to know I’m sorry.”

Maura blinked. “Sorry, about what exactly?”

“The whole mess with your father, especially the outcome.”

She nodded for lack of a better response. “Did you know he escaped from the hospital?”

“No, but it doesn’t surprise me. Doyle hasn’t survived this long without having dozens of Plan B’s and exit strategies for every mess he might get into. Does it bother you?” he asked in caring tone that put a little smile on Maura’s face. _People care about me_.  

She thought on it for a moment. “I suppose it does. I’ve been trying not to think too much on it.” She figured if she focused on it, she would break down again. She felt like her father did not deserve the emotions, though. He had abandoned her too many times and only sought her out on his own whims. She could not allow him to have emotional power over her.

“That might be best. I know you’re upset with Jane and I’ve been trying to stay out of it because you two usually work through things on your own, but Jane is gonna work herself to death if you stay pissed with her,” he pointed out.

Maura smiled. “Thank you for looking out for us both. We have spoken about what happened. Jane’s now giving me space to work though my anger toward her, which is in rapid decline. I will make sure she does not die of exhaustion while giving me that space.”

“Good because so far every case that we’ve had since that whole situation, the only way she goes home is if Cavanaugh yells at her or if she’s out of clothes and has to change. I think that she’s existing on nothing but cereal and coffee.”

Maura frowned while nodding. She hated thinking about what she had put Jane through, but she felt like it was inevitable. There was no way that she and Jane were going to leave “that situation” as Korsak put it the way that they went in. But, it seemed to have run its course.

“I’m sorry to throw this at you, doc. I know Jane’s not your responsibly, but you’re the only one that has her tamed enough to make her take care of herself. You mean a lot to her,” he said.

“I know. We should get back to work and solve this case,” she replied.

He nodded and left. Maura sighed. She supposed it was time for her to be there for Jane. After all, Jane was there for her despite it all. But, she just could not imagine them going back to normal completely because when she looked at Jane, she still saw the person that shot her father instead of her best friend.

“Well, carrying on as I am, treating her like ‘the person that shot my father’ rather than my best friend isn’t going to help change that,” Maura told herself. She would change that effective immediately … after she finished her autopsy to help solve the case.   

-8-8-8-8- 

Next time: Maura gives Jane a little on-the-job visit and Jane gives Constance a visit.


	8. Discovery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t own these characters.

8: Discovery 

Jane and Frost were on their way to interview the daughter of their possible murder victim. They were surprised to find that when Lidia Matthews was released from the hospital she went to her grandmother’s house, her father’s mother, instead of her mother’s home. But, it worked for the detectives, as they needed to interview his mother, too, to find out if the victim was suicidal. The grandmother answered the door.

“Hi, we’re detectives Rizzoli and Frost,” Jane introduced them while her partner held up his badge.

“This about my poor Jeff. I’m Joanna Matthews. Please, come in. Lidia’s been trying to calm down enough talk to you,” the grandmother explained as she motioned for the pair to come inside. She closed the door behind them.

“They were close?” Jane asked.

Joanna nodded and her eyes glazed over with heavy sadness. “As close as a father and daughter could be. She’s a total daddy’s girl. Of course, her mother being the way she is helps.”  

“The way she is?” Frost echoed.

“Bitchy,” the elderly woman simply stated.

Jane shrugged a little in silent agreement. “How about you? How are you holding up?” she asked because her victim’s mother seemed to be doing all right.

“I’ve got to be strong for my granddaughter. She’s falling apart. He really was her best friend and her only real parent. So, I’m doing as well as one can in this situation,” Joanna explained without a hint of bitterness. It seemed that she was in a mothering mode all her own, looking to make sure that Lidia made it through the ordeal in tact.

The partners glanced at each other, silently confirming that made sense to them. Jane figured Joanna was not really a person of interest, but kept an open mind just in case. Looking around, Jane did not see anything that said Joanna was more than a grandmother, considering she had several pictures of her granddaughter, along with pictures of her son and possibly a late husband.

The elderly woman walked the detectives to the kitchen where Lidia was clutching a cup of tea. Lidia looked up at them, showing red-rimmed eyes and tear stained cheeks. She was a college student, but had cherubic features that made her seem much younger. The way that she was hunched over made her seem small.

“Hey, Lidia, I’m Detective Rizzoli and this is my partner Detective Frost. We’re sorry about your father. Do you think you’re up to answering some questions about what you saw this morning?” Jane asked in a tender tone, reaching out to rub the young woman’s shoulder. She could not imagine what the college student was going through. Even with the things her father had done recently, she did not even want to think how crazy she would be finding him dead.

Lidia nodded, even though she was visibly shaking. Her grandmother sat down next to her and put her arms around the young woman. Joanna motioned for the detectives to sit down across from them while Lidia stared into her tea cup for a while, as if it would somehow explain why her father was gone.

“Now, to warn you, some of these questions might be a little hard,” Jane said and Lidia looked up, locking eyes with the senior detective.

“I wanna help,” Lidia promised.

“Okay, how about you start by telling us what you think happened to your father,” Jane said.

Lidia sniffled. “I dunno,” she mumbled. “Somebody shot him.”

“Are you sure somebody shot him?” Frost chimed in, his voice just a compassionate as his partner’s.

“Yeah! I mean, what else could’ve happened?” Lidia said, shrugging. Her forehead wrinkled, as if she was trying to think of some other explanation, but she kept looking at the detectives. Her eyes never wavered.

“When you came home that morning was anything out of the ordinary?” Jane asked.

“You mean aside from my dad being dead on the floor? No! Everything was fine! We were supposed to go to dinner tonight!” Lidia began bawling. Joanna began caressing the side of her head and rocking her, trying to calm her down.

“Lidia, I’m sorry for asking this, but was there a gun in the room when you came in? Did you move a gun?” Jane gently pressed.

“No! Why would you ask me that!” the young woman wailed loudly. Her body practically convulsed as she cried. 

Frost shifted a bit in his seat and then looked at Jane. She gave the grandmother an apologetic look, which was accepted with a nod. The elderly woman pulled Lidia closer and rubbed her shoulder now. Lidia’s head dropped as she sobbed uncontrollably.    

“Ma’am, do you think we could ask you a couple questions?” Jane requested.

Joanna nodded. “Anything I can do to help.”

“What do you think happened? Your son died of a single gunshot wound to the head. What’s your first thought?” the senior detective asked.

“You want to know if I think he killed himself?” the grandmother countered.

“Do you?”

“No.”

“So, he’s never attempted suicide before?” Jane asked to be sure. _It’d be nice to know if the soon-to-be ex-wife is lying to at least have a suspect in this_.

“I didn’t say that. His father died when he was fourteen and he took damn near the whole medicine cabinet a few months after we lost his father. But, that was thirty years ago and he was a distraught, confused boy.”

“And, that was the only time?” Jane inquired. _Maybe the wife didn’t lie, but she damn sure exaggerated. Unless, of course, the mother is lying and then we’re back at square one_.

“Yes. Look, he’s not suicidal. Check his medical records and talk to his friends. You’ll see. He actually had a lot to live for. He was finally divorcing that shrew. His little girl was going to a good school close by and wanted to move back in now that Linda had moved out. He talked about finally being able to live his life. If only Linda would stop dragging out the divorce.”

“Is that why he was miserable?” Jane asked.

Joanna let out a long breath. “Definitely. She made sure to make things hard for him at every turn. I don’t know why she ever married him in the first place. She never seemed to like him.”

Jane nodded and glanced at her partner. “Not like him enough to kill him?” she asked.

The elderly woman shook her. “I don’t know. I don’t think so. I mean, she’s a bitch, but I never worried for his safety. His sanity maybe, but not his safety. He never seemed worried about his safety, either. His sanity and Lidia’s sanity, but never safety. She was never physically violent or anything toward either of them.”

“Okay. Thank you for your time,” Jane said.

“We can see ourselves out. Please don’t hesitate to call us if something else comes to mind,” Frost said as he left his card on the table.

“Or if you want an update on the case,” Jane added.

Joanna nodded and the detectives left. The ride back to station was quiet, mostly because Jane was lost in her own head. If Frost said something to her, she did not hear him. She was too busy thinking about Lidia and her grief. _Is that how I made Maura feel? If that’s the case, it’s a fucking miracle that she can stand to look at me. But, why would she feel that way? She’s not close to Doyle. She just fucking met him and he does nothing but make her life Hell!_

Jane was drawn out of her thoughts just because they arrived at the station. She refocused on the case as they went back to their desks. Korsak joined them to let them know that he spoke with their victim’s divorce lawyer. Apparently, the wife had been going after everything in the divorce and was not getting it. According to the lawyer, she was the reason the divorce was dragging out as Jeffery had been willing to split everything with her if only to get rid of her, but she wanted more than that. The lawyer also backed up Joanna Matthews statement about Jeffery looking forward to life, saying that Jeffery just wanted to move on and spend time with his daughter again without having to worry about Linda screaming at him about a million and one different things.  

“Wife’s starting to look pretty good. We need to see if her alibi checks out and we need to get medical records to confirm that there were no other suicide attempts beyond the one when the victim was fourteen years old,” Jane said after they told Korsak about their visit with Lidia and her grandmother.

As expected, Jane was running on all cylinders. The male detectives just let her go and made sure one of was behind her every time she charged off somewhere. She went to interview whatever friends that she could find, talk to Linda Matthews’ mother about the wife’s alibi, and whatever else needed to be done. 

-8-8-8-8-

Maura came upstairs for the first time in what felt like an eternity without feeling lost or feeling a sense of longing mixed with dread. Her gaze went directly to Jane, who was crouched over her desk with a scowl on her face. Maura knew that Jane was upset over the fact that Linda Matthews alibi checked out and that Jeffery Matthews’ medical records show that he had only attempted suicide once when he was fourteen years old. And with Lidia Matthews insisting that there was no gun by her father when she found him, they were stuck at square one. Frost and Korsak had stepped out for late lunches, but they could not move Jane, so they called Maura.

The doctor was able to get right up on Jane, who was glued to papers in front of her. Maura could not help smiling as she eased down the container of food in front of the detective. She had considered leaving it by Jane and then making a great escape while the detective was engrossed in her work, but now she felt like doing something else. She felt like helping.

“Hey!” Jane jumped in surprise when the container was suddenly in her way. She turned her attention to Maura. “What’s this?”

“I believe it’s called lunch. Although, in an hour, it would be considered dinner. Although, not too long ago, lunch was called dinner and dinner was called supper,” Maura explained with a small smile that she could not control. “Either way, you need to eat.”

“I’m fine,” Jane insisted.

“And you’ll be better when you eat.”

Jane opened her mouth, undoubtedly to object, but thought the better of it. Maura glaring down on her might have had something to do with it. While Jane opened the food, Maura took charge of the case folder to see if there was something that they missed.

“Finding the gun would be helpful. We could see if it’s his weapon or not or if his fingerprints are on it,” the doctor said.

“I’ve got informants looking out for his registered firearm as well as all pawn shops and stores on alert. Have you run that blond hair?” Jane asked before digging in for more food.

“It’ll take time, detective.” Maura hoped the use of Jane’s title did not seem as snappish as before. While she was not quite back to best friend, she wanted to show that they were colleagues.

“Right,” Jane groaned. “You ruled the death suspicious?”

“It is.”

“Got that right. I thought the wife might’ve done it, but her alibi checked out. We’ve been contacting his coworkers to see if maybe there was a con he pissed off that’s out, but that doesn’t seem to be going anywhere. His friends all said the same thing that his mother did, so I’m pretty sure somebody offed him and the only one that makes sense is the wife. I know there’s something here, but I’m not seeing it.”

Hazel eyes gleamed a bit; Maura was not sure why, but she felt a spark of happiness from conversing civilly with Jane. “You’ll find it. Just make sure you eat all of that and don’t spend the night here. You’re not making things easy by depriving your body of essentials like food and rest.”

Jane laughed a little and looked around for her partners. “Did those two tell you to come babysit me?”

“No. You need to take care of yourself, Jane. You can’t keep this up. I won’t let you keep it up,” Maura said with a conviction that made Jane blink in surprise.

The detective gnawed the side of her lip for a moment. “What do you care?” she practically whispered.

“I care,” Maura replied in a voice just as low.

Jane swallowed so hard that Maura saw her whole neck move. Dark brown eyes drifted down into her food. It seemed like she was battling her thoughts briefly. Maura wondered who won.

“Maura, this guy’s daughter is a mess …” Jane said, but the pathologist quickly stopped her.

“Don’t think about that, Jane. Just think about catching Mr. Matthews murderer.” She knew where Jane was going with her statement and honestly did not want to consider it. She just wanted to move on as best she could. It was time to let go. Jane was not a monster like the person that took Lidia Matthews’ father from her.

“I will,” Jane vowed.

Maura did not doubt her. In fact, she was determined to help, so after making sure Jane ate all of her lunch, she returned to Jeffery Matthews’ body. She hoped that the body gave a clue that would jumpstart the investigation again.

A couple of hours later, Maura found herself with nothing new to offer. She was about to go home, when she remembered Jane. She went back upstairs and discovered that Jane was gone. She knew the detective was chasing a lead and not catching up on her rest. She would not let that stand, though. She called the detective as she was on her way to her car.  Jane’s voice mail picked up.

“Jane, don’t work this case all night long. Go home, take a shower, get some sleep, and come back fresh in the morning. It will help,” Maura ordered in a tone that she knew Jane would listen to. Still, she figured it would not hurt to throw in a little threat. “Don’t let me see you in those same clothes tomorrow or any clothes that you keep in your locker.” Satisfied with that message, Maura went home. 

-8-8-8-8- 

Jane chuckled as she put her phone back in her pocket. She was ready to pound the pavement all night, but the stern, yet concerned command from their friendly neighborhood ME had her reconsider. She hated the idea of Lidia Matthews going another day of not knowing what happened to her father. 

“What’s so funny?” Frost asked curiously as they made their way back to the car.

“Nothing,” she replied with a smile. _Maura’s probably right. She is the genius amongst us. … And has me using words like “amongst” in my own head_. “Let’s call it a night, partner. We’ve spoken to almost everyone in his life and gotten nowhere.”

Frost did not argue. They parted ways and started fresh the next day. They were rewarded with news early that morning about a blond male trying to pawn a familiar glock along with another firearm. She and Frost were on the move before they finished their coffee. They lucked out to find the blond still there, trying to haggle over the guns.

“I don’t think you have to worry about those guns anymore,” Jane remarked, flashing her badge as the blond looked her way. His ice blue eyes went wide as dinner plates and he turned to run. “Freeze!” she ordered knowing he would not listen.

The blond moved to run and ran right into Frost’s fist. “She said freeze, dirtbag,” he stated as the blond dropped. “I’m getting pretty good at this, eh?” he quipped with a smile.

Jane chuckled as she leaned down to handcuff the blond. “Yeah, now we just need to get you some one liners,” she replied and then they both pulled the blond to his feet.

“This guy’s pretty tall, huh?” Frost noted.

“That could be a clue,” Jane joked. “Now, let’s go find out why this guy is trying to sell stolen goods.”

“I don’t nothing about stolen goods!” the blond shouted.

Frost rolled his eyes. “Yeah, we’ve never heard that before.” 

-8-8-8-8-

“Why the hell can’t all of the criminals get caught trying to sell the murder weapon and a weapon stolen from the murder victim?” Frost wondered aloud.

“Yeah, but now we have get him to tell us why the hell he did it. You try to find a connection between him and our victim. Korsak and I will see if we can get anything out of him,” Jane suggested.

Frost nodded and they split up. Korsak and Jane went to interview the blond, who insisted that he did not do anything and he did not know anything. They could not call him a liar on the latter, especially when he drank a soda that they left for him. He finished the whole thing and threw the can in an empty garbage can.

“It can’t be this easy,” Jane whispered to her former partner.

“So, are you sure you don’t know Jeffery Matthews?” Korsak asked the suspect.

“Never heard of him,” the blond declared, almost smugly.

“Then how’d you get his gun?” Jane held up the weapon, which was in an evidence bag. “The gun fairy left it for you?”

The blond snorted and shrugged. “Somebody gave it to me, along with the other gun. I don’t know no Jeffery Matthews.”

“Okay, you keep saying that. We’re gonna hold you on tying to sell stolen goods and I’m gonna go run your DNA down to the lab to see if it matches a blond hair we found in the guy’s house that you don’t know,” Jane commented as she grabbed the trash can. The blond just folded his arms across his chest.

“Don’t you mean the dead guy’s house?” Korsak asked.

“I didn’t mention he was a dead guy?” Jane said with mock shock.

“No, murdered dead guy, too.”

“No way! He was a murdered dead guy and this poor schmuck has the bad luck to end up with the stolen weapon in his possession and the possible murder weapon and hair that matches what we found at the murdered dead guy’s house that he never met!” Jane said. She watched as the suspect’s face slowly scrunched up, adding up what she just said.

“That is bad luck. It’ll be even worse when he goes to jail for the rest of his life,” Korsak added.

“So, lemme get this down to the lab,” Jane said and was about to leave the room.

“Wait!” the blond shouted as sweat ran down his cheek. “Let’s work something out.”

“Thought as much,” Jane said, even though she passed the garbage to the officer that she had waiting outside. 

-8-8-8-8-

The case was cracked after the blond, Steve Perkins, spilled his guts in exchange for a twenty-year jail sentence. He was hired by Linda Matthews through her boyfriend, an ex-con. Jane was happy that Tommy had not come up in the case. Apparently, Linda was fed up with the divorce proceedings and thought it would be easier on her if her husband was just dead. She, of course, denied everything, including knowing Steve Perkins.

Frost found phone records to link the pair. She called Perkins over a dozen times on the night of the murder. Not to mention, Perkins had a key on his key ring to the Matthews’ house given to him by Linda. And while Jane was happy that the case was over, at the end of the day, Lidia Matthews would have to live without a father and the knowledge that her mother was the one that had her father taken away.

When the whole thing was said and done, Jane found herself leaving work before Maura. She ended up visiting Constance. She wanted to see how the artist was doing. She was honestly surprised to see Constance still in her wheelchair.

“Jane, what a wonderful surprise,” Constance said with a bright smile.

“I hope so. I come bearing junk food since I know what it’s like to have Nurse Maura watching over you,” Jane remarked, making a display of the pizza box in her hand. 

“Oh, I haven’t had pizza in ages. Do come in,” Constance said with a smile.

Jane smiled and did just that. She served the pizza on paper towels, just to see if Constance would go for it. Constance did not mind the paper towels, but insisted on wine with their meal. _It’s like eating junk food with Maura_ , the detective thought with a smile. She remembered the first time she and Maura had burgers together and the doctor insisted on eating hers with a knife and fork.

“So, how are you doing?” Jane asked.

“Much better. I still have a ways to go, but I get stronger by the day. What about you? How are you doing?” Constance countered.

“Better,” Jane admitted.

“Have you and Maura mended things?”

The detective sighed. “I think we’re on our way, but this case I just closed makes me wonder if things will ever be the same?” If she hurt Maura even a fraction of what Linda had done to Lidia, then Jane knew they were doomed. _But, is it really the same thing? Doyle isn’t a real father and once upon a time Maura knew that_.

Constance stared at the younger woman. “Are you going to tell me what happened?”

“No. Maura will tell you if she wants you to know. I’d rather the least amount of people to know about my grandest fuck up. Forgive the language.”

Constance waved it off. “I’ve heard worse. Well, if you don’t want to say, I can’t really help.”

“I don’t really want help. The ball’s in Maura’s court. She seems like she’s trying, but I hate thinking that we might never be normal again and it’s my fault.”

“I’m sure you’ll both be fine. Maura won’t let you go so easily, no matter what. She is not that crazy, unforgiving, and definitely not stupid.”

Jane smiled, feeling reassured by that, especially since Maura’s actions backed it up. Her anxiety spiked again when the front door opened and the Chief Medical Examiner entered her home. Their eyes met and Maura seemed to demand what Jane was doing in her home.

“Time for me to get going. Glad you’re getting better,” Jane said to Constance as she climbed to her feet. “Good night,” she bid them both farewell as she made her way out. She caught Maura’s eyes again and the doctor appeared grateful that she was going. Maura still needed space.    

-8-8-8-8-

“Oh, darling, you chased her off,” Constance lamented.

“What was she doing here?” Maura asked curiously. She was slightly bothered by the fact that Jane was in her home without telling her while they were not yet on best friend terms, but she was not outraged by it or anything extreme. She was glad that Jane respected her enough to leave since the detective was supposed to give her space.

“She just brought some pizza by for me. Are you still being awful with her?” her mother inquired while motioning to the pizza box.

Maura shook her head. “Slowly things will get better. I’m still a bit upset with her, but I think we will be as we once were sometime soon.”

Constance smiled a little. “Does Jane know that?”

“I didn’t say those exact words to her, but we agreed that I was entitled to be upset with her.”

Her mother nodded, but Maura did not know what to make of that. She felt confident that she and Jane would go back to normal. They were almost there with the case that they just finished. Maura’s eyes widened. _The case …_

“Oh, Jane,” Maura sighed. She was not sure what she would have to do to show Jane that they would be all right beyond what she had done at work. She would keep up with little things until she was comfortable with the big things and they would be back to the way they were. … Or so she hoped.

“I won’t lose her,” Maura promised herself. 

-8-8-8-8-

Next time: Jane has a family get together and Tommy decides to go see Maura afterwards.


	9. Got your back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t own these characters.

9: Got your back

Jane was relaxing at home for the first time in along time. It was doctor’s orders. Of course, the doctor doing the ordering was Maura, but she was a doctor. She had sent Jane a text message about proper rest, and yadda, yadda, yadda. She was so exhausted that she barely had the strength to try and defy Maura. She failed in her rebellion and ended up on the couch.

“Guess I can watch a movie. Hey, Joe Friday, wanna watch a movie?” she called and the dog charged out from wherever she was. Joe Friday jumped on the sofa to snuggle and watch a movie. Jane laughed. “No one would ever guess what a movie hound you are.”

The detective found a movie and spent the next two hours cuddling Joe Friday. Once the film was over, the dog took that as her cue to leave. Jane was not surprised that Joe was more interested in her few toys than lying around. The detective rested for a while, but eventually lounging on the couch turned boring.

“Joe, wanna go for a walk?” Jane suggested since she did not have anything better to do with her time off.

Joe was back in a flash, causing Jane to laugh. She got up to put on her sneakers and grabbed Joe Friday’s leash. The dog bounced at her feet, leaving Jane to wonder when was the last time she actually walked her dog. It had to be over two weeks, she realized.

“Damn, sorry, Joe. I’ve basically let Ma have you,” Jane said. Her mother took care of the dog whenever she worked late, which was pretty much her routine now.

Joe Friday did not seem to care, just bouncing around her owner’s feet even more. She even barked a couple of times, as if to hurry her owner. Jane attached the leash to the dog’s collar. The pair went out for a very long walk. Jane was actually sweating by the time they returned. She took a shower and then found her self back on the couch.

“Okay, now what?” Jane wondered aloud.

Glancing over at Joe, she got an idea as she watched the dog eat. She had not seen her family in a while, not altogether anyway. While they got on her nerves, she knew that was how family was and that was not likely to change. She was used to seeing them every couple of weeks, though. Her mother was always good with coming up with excuses to get them together and Maura was always willing to put up with the Rizzoli clan. Now they were without a gathering place.

“And it’s my fault,” Jane sighed. With that in mind, Jane made a decision to host a family night. She felt like it would not make up for what she cost them, not just a meeting house, but the constant bright spot of Maura’s presence. She had cost them a member of their family, even if no one else acknowledged that. So, she called her mother.

“Oh, my god, Jane, are you all right?” Angela answered the call in a panic.

“What? Of course, I’m all right. Why would you even ask that?” Jane asked, even though she had a clue why. She rarely called her mother and usually when she did, it was to tell her mother that she got hurt before someone else delivered the news.

“Between the fact that everyone’s making if sound like you’re trying to work yourself to death and I didn’t see you this morning, I didn’t know what to think,” Angela explained with a huff.

“Oh. I’m off today. The lieutenant basically told me to take a day or I was fired,” Jane reported with a laugh to downplay things, especially she was aware her mother knew that she was forced to take a day off considering how much her mother gossiped. Not to mention, cops in general gossiped like schoolgirls.

She had not been happy when the lieutenant told her to go home or she was fired, but she silently acknowledged that he had a point. She was not doing herself any favors by burning herself out. She had been living on coffee before Maura was kind enough to start bringing her salads and sandwiches. If Maura did not bring her food, she would never eat.

“I can’t believe that, but you do need to slow down,” Angela said. Her voice was sort of pleading with Jane to do just that.

The detective chuckled. “That’s what Maura said.”

“Maura.” Her mother sort of hissed the name, making her displeasure known.

“Ma, leave Maura alone.”

“Why are you even talking with Maura? She treated you awfully and now you’re talking to her? She basically pulled your heart out of your chest and stomped on it.”

Jane rolled her eyes. “You’re being overdramatic as usual, Ma. You don’t know what happened between me and Maura and you really shouldn’t be in it. You’re hurting Maura’s feelings while I know you still like her.”

“But, she hurt my baby.” Jane could practically feel her mother pouting through the phone.

“I’m not a baby, Ma. I can fight my own battles. It’s between us and we’re handling it. Now before you drag us into some other conversation I don’t wanna have, I was calling to invite you and the guys over for dinner,” the detective said.

“Dinner?” Angela let out a surprise gasp, but then her voice grew suspicious. “Okay, what’s really up, missy? You never invite us over,” she pointed out.

 _Never really needed to because we had Maura’s place until I fucked that up for everybody_. Jane shook the thought away. “There’s a first time for everything. Now, are you coming or what?”

“Of course, I’m coming! I’ll get your brothers, too. Are you cooking or do you want me to?”

“We both know you wanna cook, so I’ll leave that to you. I’ll do the shopping. What do you want me to get?”

Angela ran through a list and then Jane quickly escaped the conversation before her mother detoured onto another subject. Sighing, she knew that she had lost her mind by agreeing to host her family. Too late to back down now and she genuinely missed her pain-in-the-ass family.

“Come on, Joe, we’re going out again,” Jane announced and Joe was at her feet in an instant. 

-8-8-8-8- 

The Rizzoli clan showed up together and Angela went right to the kitchen, where the groceries awaited her. Jane had beers for brothers and settled down to watch a football game.

“Janie, I gotta admit, your place is cleaner than I expected,” Tommy commented as he looked around.

“What? My place was clean when you were here for my birthday,” she pointed out.

“Cuz Ma cleaned it,” Tommy countered, chuckling at his own wit. “I know you didn’t abandon years of traditional slovenly behavior,” he remarked with a laugh. The older siblings laughed with him.

“She did in a way. Maura’s got Jane trained,” Frankie teased.

“What? No. I haven’t been a total slob since I moved out the house,” Jane objected.

“You freaking liar,” Frankie replied.

The boys teased Jane to almost a half-hour. Jane was used to it. The Rizzoli siblings had an odd dynamic that made one of them the odd man out all of the time. They all got along with each other, but not altogether. Frankie and Tommy got along as two brothers and got on the only girl’s case. Jane and Frankie got along as the two oldest and got on the baby’s case. But, Jane and Tommy had a relationship as the two that was most alike and they used to leave Frankie out of a lot of things. Tommy going to prison had thrown the whole system out of order and they were not sure if things would ever go back to the way they were.

Angela called them to dinner, but really there was no place to call them to. Jane did not have a table and they could not all fit at her countertop. They all got plates of food and just went back to the sofa. Jane’s phone went off in between it all and she laughed as she read a text message from Maura that said, “You better be relaxing.” She felt like she was, even though the night was chaos. 

Jane had to practically push her family out of the door after a few hours. She had to feign being ready to go to sleep to drop the hint that it was time for everyone to return to their own homes, but only when she reminded them of how everyone claimed she needed rest did they really move. She flopped down on the sofa once she was alone. Joe Friday jumped up on her, cuddling into her.

“You’ve become a little snuggle monster,” Jane remarked as she scratched the dog’s head. “It was nice having company, right? Well, I know you liked it since the boys kept sneaking you food. They’re going to make you so fat. What am I going to do with a fat, attention- seeking dog?”

Jane chuckled, but it was a hollow sound. Despite enjoying the company, she felt as depressed as ever. _I wish Maura was here_ , she silently lamented, but she needed to accept that Maura might never be there again. 

-8-8-8-8-

Maura wrapped her robe around her as she went to answer the doorbell. She was not sure who it could be, but she hoped it was not bad news. For a moment, she considered that it might be Ian, but she knew that it was too soon for him to be back. She doubted that he was ever going to return actually.

“Who is it?” Maura called as she got to the door.

“Tommy.”

“Tommy?” she echoed in a baffled tone as she quickly unlocked the door. “Is everything all right? Is Jane all right? Is your mother all right?” she asked as panic rose in her chest.

“Calm down! Everybody’s all right,” he promised, grabbing her by the shoulders to more than likely to keep her from becoming hysterical. Not that she was going to.

Hazel eyes searched his rugged features to ascertain if he was being truthful. “You’re sure?” she asked just to be certain.

“Considering I just left them, yeah, I’m pretty sure,” he answered.

“Oh. Okay, then, what can I do for you?” she inquired while motioning for him to come in. She closed the door behind him. 

“Are you ever gonna make up with Janie?” he asked bluntly, folding his arms across his chest.

Maura blinked because of the blitz. “Excuse me?” she said.

“Are you ever gonna make up with Jane? God, I don’t know what she did, but a goody-goody like her couldn’t have done something that means you cut her off for the rest of her life. You’re supposed to be her best friend! You can’t just throw away someone like Jane!” Tommy declared.

Maura was surprised by his words. She did not think Tommy actually cared for Jane enough to do something like defend her, especially to Maura. He seemed like he would be more of an opportunist and take the chance to get closer to Maura. It was good to see that he had the heart of a Rizzoli.

“Tommy, I haven’t thrown Jane away,” Maura insisted.

“No? I was just with her. She had us all at her place and things were damn near normal between all of us. It was like when we were kids, but underneath all the teasing and crap, we could see Jane was still sad. She had a sadness that was there even when she laughed. But, just once her laugh was real and it’s when she checked her phone. I snuck a look when she went to the bathroom and saw it was from you. I don’t know what game you’re playing, but I’m not gonna let you mess with Janie’s head! She’s sensitive about stuff like friendships!” He was now pointing at the doctor, as if just the action alone could make Maura feel what his sister was going through.

Maura’s eyes softened, knowing that her words had comforted Jane … although she could not for the life of her figure out why the text made Jane laugh. “Tommy, it’s sweet that you’re worried about Jane, but I assure you, I’m not messing with her head. Or at least, I’m not trying to. I’m not going to throw her away. I value her more than anyone else, and we’re trying to work through our issues.”

Tommy seemed to calm down a little, taking a couple of breaths before speaking again. “That’s what Frankie said, but looking at Jane’s face, it didn’t seem like it.”

“I don’t understand. I thought Jane agreed with me.”

Tommy looked confused, squinting as he watched her. “Agreed with you? Maura, what’s going on? Ma said you’ve been treating Jane like shit for a while. It got to the point Ma actually moved out and considering I know how much my ma likes you that means shit hit the fan.”

Maura smiled a little, happy that he had not used past tense when talking or Angela’s feelings. “Tommy, it’s not something you should concern yourself with. Jane and I are working through it. We obviously have more work to go, but we will get through it.”

He craned an eyebrow. “You sure? Jane doesn’t deserve to be hurt.”

“She doesn’t. We’ll work it out. Thank you for saying something.” Those words took whatever steam Tommy might have had left.

His arms dropped to his sides briefly and then he rubbed the back of his neck. “Look, I know this crazy, but I wanted to help Jane. She’s always there for me, even when I screw up. I wanted to be there for her for once, especially when she’s so obviously hurting. I figured I could do something for her.”

Maura reached out, putting a hand on his arm. “You did,” she promised.

He gave her his trademark half-smile that she thought was so cute. Oddly enough, she thought it made his resemblance to his siblings more pronounced. They were good people, she reminded herself. _The Rizzolis are good people_.

Tommy left without causing any more trouble. Maura sighed after she bid him goodnight and she closed the door behind him. It was obvious that she was going to have to do more or she would lose Jane, even though she thought that they agreed that she could and would be upset for a little while.

“Well, I’m not really upset anymore either, but I still can’t see us jumping back to the status quo so quickly. Of course, if I don’t show her some gesture and we move forward, then we will be like this forever and neither of us want that,” Maura said as she went back to bed. She would have to figure out what to do about Jane. 

-8-8-8-8- 

Jane was back at work, sitting at her desk. They had not caught a new case, but there were plenty of open cases that deserved their attention. Frost was doing the high tech work while she did low tech and they were not getting anywhere with the case. Still, they worked until Maura texted Jane about going to lunch.

“Holy shit, it’s lunch time, Frost,” she realized.

He blinked and then rubbed his eyes. “Thank God. I’m starving. Wanna get some heroes?”

“Sorry, but you’re gonna have to catch lunch with Korsak. I’m gonna go eat with Maura.”

Frost smiled. “Glad things are getting better between you two.”

“That remains to be seen. She might just wanna tell me she’s used all of her connections and money to have me transferred to West Bumfuck to be a dog catcher,” she joked.

He laughed, but they both know that she was serious. She left to go down to the morgue. Maura was sitting at her desk, on her computer. Jane knocked just to get her attention. Hazel eyes looked up and a smile graced Maura’s elegant face.

“You wanted to go to lunch?” Jane pointed out.

“Oh, yes. Give me a moment to finish this report,” Maura replied.

“Yeah, no problem.” Jane used the moment to look around the office. It looked exactly how she recollected, but she had expected it to appear totally different. It just felt like an eternity since she had been down there. “Has it even been two months?” she wondered aloud.

“Has what been two months?” Maura asked curiously.

Jane looked up. “Huh?”

“You asked if ‘it’ had been two months. I was wondering what you meant by that,” Maura explained.

“Oh …” Jane gnawed her lip as she wondered if she should share. “Has it been two months since I’ve been down here?” she asked.

Maura put her finger to her chin in thought. “Yes, about that. It seems much longer,” she mused aloud.

“I know. I thought you’d have change the place around, like before when I came back from …” Jane trailed off, not really in the mood to discuss one of her other screw ups involving Maura. _I shoot myself in front of her. I shoot her father in front of her. I guess for my next trick, I’ll end up shooting her_.

“No. I think this suits the office for now,” Maura commented. There was a beat of silence that the doctor decided to break. “Jane, we need to talk,” she said.

“I’m not going to like this, am I?” Jane sighed and rubbed her forehead. _Nothing good ever starts with “we need to talk.”_

Maura’s brow furrowed as her face scrunched up. “Why wouldn’t you?”

“Because I realized the pain I caused you while I was working the Matthews case. Even though I didn’t kill your father, I could have. How can you forgive me? Even if you say you can, you really can’t because for some crazy reason you view Doyle as a real father, even though you just met him and he’s only brought you grief,” the detective ranted.

“Jane,” she sighed the name as she climbed to her feet. She walked in front of the detective and stood before her. “You can’t tell me my feelings toward something. You also can’t measure my feelings through a case just because a situation is similar. What happened between us was just that – something that happened between us. Do you understand?”

Jane nodded. “But, you still can’t forgive me.”

Maura smiled a bit. “I think I already have. I just did not realize it. I think I forgave you the night I came to you and you held me despite it all. You’re always there for me, Jane, like you said. I’m not going to throw our friendship away so easily. So, I forgive you, Jane.”

“Wha?” Jane did not understand. Her entire face scrunched up as her brain tried to process the words it just heard. _The hell did she just say? She forgives me?_ _Nope, still doesn’t compute_.

“I forgive you,” Maura repeated and she took Jane’s hands in hers. “I forgive you.”

“Why do you keep saying that?” the taller female inquired, sounding and looking utterly confused.

“Because you need to hear it. I forgive you, Jane. I will say it as many times as necessary until you believe me and you forgive yourself. I will not lose you,” Maura insisted. “I forgive you, Jane. I forgive you.”

Jane sniffled and all she could do was nod as tears flooded her eyes. Maura embraced her and held Jane as she cried. Jane pulled Maura closer to her, as close as possible without hurting one of them.

“I’m so sorry,” Jane sobbed, burying her face in the doctor’s neck.

“Shh. I forgive you,” Maura said, now rubbing her friend’s back. Her voice was soft, gentle. It was impossible to dispute her words, which made her friend even more perplexed.

“I just didn’t want him to hurt you anymore and I ended up hurting you,” the detective wept.

“And I forgive you.”

“How!”

“Because I don’t want to lose you. We’ve been through this before. I love you. I know you love me, too, so you’d never purposely hurt me. I also know you always try to do what you think is best for me. In general, I appreciate it. So, I forgive you.”

Jane could not say anything more. They stood there for long seconds with only the sounds of Jane’s sobs. A few tears seeped out of Maura’s eyes as she felt Jane hold her tighter.

“I do love you, Maura. I didn’t mean to hurt you,” Jane whispered.

“I know. I forgive you,” Maura said.

Jane smiled and the moment was disturbed by her stomach growling. They both laughed as they pulled away. They did not let go of each other’s hands, though.

“I was told there would be lunch,” Jane commented with a smile.

“Yes, yes, yes. Let’s go to that Turkish place,” Maura suggested.

“Oh, you want my stomach to rumble in pain the next time it makes a noise,” Jane joked as they exited the office.

“What? You liked it the last time we went,” Maura argued as she closed the door. It felt like they were leaving all of their trouble behind. They could just be normal again. 

“Trust me, I didn’t like it a couple of hours after that,” Jane remarked. Yeah, they could be normal again. 

-8-8-8-8-

Next time: the end.


	10. Choices

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t own these characters.

10: Choices 

Jane and Maura were lounging on the doctor’s sofa. It was their first sleepover since Maura forgave Jane and Jane forgave herself. They were determined to move on with their lives. They decided that things might not go back to normal, but that was only because their lives were not normal. Things happened and they accepted those things in due time and then moved on – moved on together. Everything would be fine as long as they stayed together.

They had two unexpected guests for their sleepover – their mothers. Jane had suggested the sleepover at her house, but Maura was not comfortable with the idea of leaving Constance alone all night. Besides, she was trying to get back into Angela’s good graces, much to Jane’s annoyance.

Beyond having Angela at the sleepover, Maura had offered her the guesthouse again since Angela had not found an apartment since moving out. At first, Angela was defiant, even though Jane made it a point to show her mother that she and Maura was friends again. She wanted her mother to accept Maura and Maura’s offer because she knew it would help Maura feel better. Plus, she knew her mother would never find a quality apartment with her salary. She would never be able to stand knowing her mother lived in some roach-infested, hole-in-the-wall place like Tommy did. Angela only relented when Jane pointed that out.

“So, what’re we watching?” Angela asked curiously.

“No, no, no. Don’t try to subtly change what was already agreed on. We’re watching the game,” Jane declared, throwing a mini-glare her mother’s way.

“What? You’re the only one that wants to see any game,” Angela argued.

“Doesn’t matter. We already agreed,” Jane stated, folding her arms across her chest as if that made matters final. 

Constance leaned over to her daughter. “Are they always like this, darling?” she asked curiously.

“Yes, this is normal for them,” Maura answered with a content smile.

Constance nodded and watched the other mother and daughter. Jane and Angela argued a little bit more before Maura stopped it by casually mentioning a need for popcorn. Constance agreed and that got Angela moving, getting up to make popcorn. Jane sighed in relief and smiled at Maura. 

“Thanks,” the detective said.

“You wouldn’t have to go through that if you just told her about the actual movie we agreed on rather playing around about watching the game,” Maura scolded her.

Jane scoffed. “Where’s the fun in that?”

Maura rolled her eyes. “Sometimes, I just don’t understand you.”

“Well, we’re of like minds there,” Jane teased.

The doctor glared at her and then to make a show of how much better their relationship was, she hit Jane with a throw pillow. Jane guffawed as the blow landed and she looked at Maura with wide eyes. The medical examiner was not surprised when Jane grabbed a pillow to retaliate.

“Jane, don’t you dare,” Angela scolded her as she returned with the popcorn.

“What? She hit me first,” Jane argued, motioning to Maura with her “weapon.”

“What are you, five? Stop acting like a kid,” Angela retorted, going as far as popping her daughter in the arm.

“Ow! This is just like when I was a kid and you’d always pop me when Frankie or Tommy were the ones that started it!” the detective complained. She then smiled at Maura, who smiled back. Their ingenious, “evil” plan was working. Angela would probably be back to totally loving Maura by the end of the night.

Once everyone was comfortable on the sofa, Jane reluctantly started the movie. It was not the type of film that she would watch on her own; it was a complete chick-flick, romantic comedy. There were limits on what Maura would subject their mothers to, and the latest Saw movie was not mother-friendly. Honestly, it was not Maura-friendly either. Jane doubted there was a person on Earth that overanalyzed a horror movie like her best friend. But, then again, she was the same with slasher movies and they shared that trait to the point that no one would watch such films with them.

Everything was fine and quiet. There was some girl-talk about the guys in the movie. Jane was mostly silent on the matter because she was nodding off, and she had no desire to hear whom her mother thought was cute. Maura knew that Jane was bored to tears and rubbed her elbow in support. The touch caused Jane to open her eyes and she noticed Maura smiling her. She smiled back, but then her expression changed as she caught movement by the window out the corner of her eye.

“Jane?” Maura said because of the troubled look on her friend’s face.

“I need to go see something,” Jane replied as she stood up. She grabbed her gun from the desk drawer that she secured it in earlier and went to the wall by the window.

“Jane, what’s going on?” Angela asked, watching her daughter scan the outside from just out of view of the window.

“Nothing,” Jane answered, shaking her head. “I thought I saw something, but it doesn’t look like anything’s out there.”

“It was probably just a trick of the light from the television,” Constance offered.

“Yeah, probably,” Jane concurred, but stayed at the window for a moment longer. She returned to her seat, but kept her gun with her.

“Jane, put that away. You’re acting so paranoid,” Angela reprimanded the detective. 

There was a smart-aleck response right on the tip of Jane’s tongue. They could see it dancing in her eyes. She went as far as opening her mouth, but then closed it when she thought better of it. She could see both mothers getting a little hysterical if she sarcastically replied, “yeah, because nobody has ever broken into Maura’s house before or threatened to kill us!” Maura probably would not see the humor in that either.

Instead, Jane just put the gun away and went back to nodding off through the movie. Every now and then, she would glance around out of the windows or though the house. She listened for suspicious noises, just staying alert for any sign that they were not alone.

They made it through movie without Jane having to turn her gun on herself. They chatted for a while before their mothers decided that it was time for bed as far as they were concerned. Maura helped Constance, who was out of her wheelchair, but still adjusting to walking. Jane saw her mother to the guesthouse because she was “paranoid,” as Angela so sweetly put it.

“Ma, can’t you just be thankful that I care enough to be paranoid for you,” Jane commented.     

Angela did not say anything about that, but she hugged Jane as a goodnight. Jane returned to the house and found Maura in the living room. She was not surprised to see that Maura was not alone. Paddy Doyle was there, too.

“I thought I smelled something bad,” Jane practically growled.

Doyle actually chuckled. “Clever, detective. Good to see you and Maura have gotten yourselves together,” he replied, glancing between the pair of women.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Maura demanded, glaring at the mob enforcer. Right now, no one would guess that she had been ready to lose her best friend for this man.

“Come on, Maura, by now you know I keep up with you,” he replied and then turned to Jane. “And I keep up with those that protect you.”

“Yeah? Why don’t you keep up from a distance? You’re good at that, right?” Jane huffed and she was tempted to go to Maura’s side, just in case she needed to protect the doctor. Unfortunately, she did know her place when it came to Maura and Doyle. 

Doyle exhaled loudly, almost as if he was growling, but not quite. “Watch it, detective. I respect you, but I won’t let you talk to me any way you want.”

“And I won’t let you breeze through Maura’s life, bringing all nonsense and chaos. Not to mention, I owe you for threatening my brother,” Jane declared. She would not bow to him or back down just because he was a mob boss or even because he was Maura’s sperm donor. He might have Maura in knots, but if he hurt her family or her best friend, she would shoot him again if necessary. She did not say that out loud just because she was not sure how Maura would react to it.

He snorted, as if he did not believe her. Of course, she was sure that he respected her because she had shot him, among other reasons. Too bad the feeling was far from mutual. She could never respect a man that abandoned a child and put her in danger just by being her sperm donor, especially when that child grew up into her best friend. 

“You don’t want to challenge me, detective,” Doyle stated with a serious glint in his cold eyes and a miracle happened.

Maura rushed to Jane’s side, stood by her, and glared at Doyle. Jane could not believe it. Maura, the same Maura that had hated her like the worst human being on Earth for shooting Doyle was now standing by her as she basically barked at the mob enforcer. They seriously had overcome her actions and now she felt stronger because of it. She felt like they were stronger, their bond was stronger.

“You can’t threaten my best friend in my house. What do you even want? Don’t you have some place to run away to? Some place far away from me? Somewhere where you can avoid responsibility, but still allows you to act like you care?” Maura actually snapped.

Jane had to look down at her, to make sure she was the same Maura. Her best friend seemed so sure of herself now, sure of her emotions in regards to Doyle. It was odd, but fortifying. Jane had to resist the urge to puff out her chest.

“I do care,” he insisted with a growl.

“While you may care, you don’t care enough. You didn’t care enough to leave behind the mob to raise me or take care of me or even introduce yourself to me before the brother I didn’t know I had ended up on my table,” Maura hissed, more than likely to keep herself from yelling. It would be quite awkward for Constance or, worse, Angela showed up. 

Doyle blinked and then his brow wrinkled as he squinted at Maura. Jane felt as stunned as he looked by the medical examiner’s outrage. It was nice to see Maura remembered what he had done, but she hoped it lasted beyond the now.

“Maura …” Doyle said as if he planned to apologize.

“No, I don’t want to hear you tell me how you care and how you were at all these important events. You were present, but you weren’t there and you chose not to be there,” Maura stated.

“I would’ve put you in danger,” he argued.

“Because you chose your mob life over a family,” she retorted.

“It’s not that easy –”  

“No, it’s much easier leaving behind two kids and offering them little to no guidance. It’s easier to watch them struggle through life at a distance and somehow that makes up for the reason they don’t know you exist. It’s easier to let them walk a path that you’re already walked and that you know leads to destruction. It’s so much easier to let your children meet in death than it would have been for you to ever try to leave mob,” Maura practically spat each word at him.

“It’s also easier for you to keep coming around it put Maura in more danger. Not just with your mook enemies, but the Feds since they’re looking for you. They tend to get pissed off when you kill one of their own,” Jane added in. It was clear that Maura had not thought of that as she gaped the moment Jane brought it up.

“Oh, my god. We could both go jail,” Maura mumbled, putting her hand over her mouth in fear.

“So, you want me to leave?” Doyle demanded.

“Yes,” Maura said as bluntly as possible. “After you tell me who my mother is.” 

Doyle did not seem stunned by the request. Maura had asked many times before only for him to blow her off or ignore the question. Jane doubted Maura expected an answer, but it was worth a shot. 

Doyle sighed. “Maura, Constance is the only mother you should worry about. She’s your mother for all intents and purposes. You should be proud to here her.”

“I am,” Maura stated.

“Then don’t ask me questions I can’t answer.” Doyle then moved as if he were going to leave, but changed his mind. He focused on Jane and smiled a bit as he touched his abdomen. “Good shot,” he told her as if that were a compliment. “Take care of my daughter, detective.” It was a clear order and he oddly patted her on the shoulder as he left.

Maura glared at him on his way out while Jane just wanted to make sure he was gone. Jane watched until Doyle disappeared into a car that faded off into the night. The detective actually breathed a sigh of relief while Maura seemed as tense as ever.

“How about I make us some tea?” Jane suggested as she put her hand on the small of Maura’s back. Maura could only nod in response and allowed Jane to lead her to a place to sit. Jane started on the tea while Maura seemed to gather her thoughts. 

-8-8-8-8- 

Maura and Jane were sharing her bed. Jane was supposed to take the couch since Constance was in the guest room, but Maura wanted some company and she wanted to lie down. She ended up lying halfway on Jane somehow. The presence and warmth set her at ease, which she sorely needed after Doyle just showing up yet again. She hated how easily he sneaked up on her, but Jane’s arm around her shoulders helped soothe that right out of her.

“Ready to talk about it?” Jane asked in a low tone. 

“Think so. I just don’t know where to start,” Maura replied with a sigh.

“Take your time.”

Maura nodded. “I didn’t know what I would feel when I saw him. He was gone and it was easy to idealize him in my head, which made it that much easier to demonize you. But, seeing him reminded me that he was not the father I romanticized in my head. I knew that logically, intellectually, but emotionally that had not taken hold.”

“Uh-huh. So, what now?”

“Honestly, I’m not sure. Yes, I said all of that to him and it was true, but he is my father. I’m not sure how to categorize him now. But, seeing him was more them enough to remind me that he’s not some angelic father figure. Still, you were wrong for shooting him in front of me,” Maura said.

Jane nodded, but conceded with a sigh. “I know. I apologized.”

“That you did, which is more than he’s done when he’s done something wrong. He won’t even admit to leaving me being wrong. He won’t admit that he was wrong for having another child after me, even though he had already abandoned one child. Who does that?” Maura huffed.

“Well, it’s not hard to leave the mob and stay alive,” Jane pointed out. She frowned. “Not that I’m defending him or anything. It’s just hard to get out of the mob and not get killed and get to keep stuff that you want.”

“I know, but it’s not unheard of or impossible. I feel like we weren’t enough for him to try. He obviously enjoys his … work. He’s not looking to leave that behind, for anything,” the doctor stated.

“You might be right about that,” Jane said cautiously.

“You know, you’re like the opposite of him. He’s only there when it’s convenient for him, but you’re always there, especially when it’s not convenient. You make time for me and I’m grateful for that. I’m sorry for the way I treated you.”

Jane shook her head. “Let’s not even think about it anymore. We’re over it, right?”

“If by over if you mean that we’re moved past it, then yes we are.”

“And are you better?”

“I am.”

“Then I might want to go to the couch before I end up sleeping here. My mother’s already a little suspicious of me since I’m a tomboy and she’s doubly suspicious of how close we are, so I don’t want to chance falling asleep here. I’ll never hear the end of it,” Jane commented. 

Maura’s brow wrinkled. “Suspicious? Why? What have we done?”

Jane just smiled and kissed the top of the doctor’s head. She then rubbed Maura’s arm, silently assuring her that Angela’s “suspicions” were not something serious. Despite her words, Jane did not move, which Maura was thankful for. Maura felt grounded and reassured. It was like everything had finally been placed back in order for her.

“Jane, I love you,” Maura said, just in case Jane did not know. She could understand if the detective did not know considering her behavior.

“I know, Maura. I love you, too,” Jane replied.

“I know.”

They were silent after that. Maura continued to enjoy the closeness between them. Before long, Jane was sleep. Maura thought it was fitting for Jane to fall asleep first, showing the trust Maura feared she lost in her emotional turmoil. But, it seemed that things were generally back to normal. She could not ask for more.

She was aware that “normal” did not mean that all was forgotten. She could only hope that they did not find themselves somehow repeating their mistakes from the situation. She also hoped that she could get her emotions under control when if came to Doyle. Even if he was her biological father, he was not worth losing her best friend over. Nothing was worth losing Jane over.

“I’m never going to let you go,” Maura vowed quietly, squeezing Jane just a little as if to cement the promise.

With that on her mind, Maura drifted into a peaceful sleep. She was not sure when, but she thought that she heard the door open. Opening one eye, Maura saw the blurry image of their mothers at the door. Her eye shut of its own accord, but she heard the door shut. She fell back asleep in no time, cuddling into Jane’s still form. 

The end.

-8-8-8-8-

The status quo is back in place. I hope everyone that read this story enjoyed it. I also hope that I can play around with these characters again sometime in the future. For now, I have to return to my padded cell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you wanna see more of my fanfics, they're all at FFN under [StarvingLunatic](https://www.fanfiction.net/~starvinglunatic). If you wanna see some original stories, you can look at FP under [StarvingLunatic](https://www.fictionpress.com/u/576301/).


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